Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Weight Issues

I'm pretty sure I feel like the wOrst mom ever! I took baby Linc in for his 10 day check up...turns out he's lost weight :( he weighed 7 lb 10 oz today. He should have been back up to his birth weight of 8 lb 6 oz.

I questioned how that was possible as I thought I was doing everything right. It appears to be that Linc struggles to have a strong latch (suck) and may not have been getting enough milk. He sure nursed for a long time and has had plenty of wet diapers...but still wasnt enough. Dr also thinks that his congestion may be to blame. He's got a bit of a breathing issue due to still being so congested fron birth. And boy let me tell you, using the nose sucker is not pleasant nor has it been very helpful...


Anyways I'm now to feed Linc every two hours or less to help him gain 4oz by Friday.

Naturally I've blamed myself for this, even though I had no idea. I held back tears all day, trying to remain strong and that I at least look like I got this...

I hope my sweet boy begins to thrive better and puts on weight! I need him to be healthy!

So on this NYE, I'm home with my two favorite little people, and am truly blesses! Be safe my friends! May 2014 be filled with plenty of peace and love!

Monday, December 30, 2013

Nighttime struggles

Well, I've survived Baby Linc's first 10 days..

Tonight was definitely a struggle, I hate not knowing what he wants or needs! I feel like a brand new mom all over again!

I seem to handle the days well, but nights are killing me! Im tired and alone... tonight I cried...and cried! I just wish I felt like I knew what I was doing. The mom of 2 thing isn't easy when you're going at it alone...

I'm sure my hormones are out of sorts as well... maybe it's the baby blues. Either way, I can't afford to be crying or be feeling sad! I have too much going on that I don't need to add that to the mix!

Tomorrow is New Year's Eve! I was invited out by a friend, but I'm going to have to decline. I'm not ready to venture out just yet!

So to all you party goers, have a safe and amazing new years!

Sunday, December 29, 2013

Happy Anniversary...kinda???

So I've been off on my days, I had no idea what day it was until I received a message wishing me, "happy anniversary...kinda!"

And then I realized it's December 29th. Today would have been my 6 year wedding anniversary! I definitely didn't forget the date, but had I not received that message, I wouldn't have gave it a thought...

It got me to thinking about the past year and all that has happened! Its been one hell of a ride, this is for sure! I had full intentions of really trying to make my marriage work, but in the end it simply wasn't meant to be. But today, I was able to look back and remember that there good times and bad, and that it was a part of my life that has brought me to where I am today!

Granted this is not where I expected to be, I couldn't imagine it any other way! Like I said, I had high hopes and plans, but changing them was a must if I was going to survive on my own.

So here's to almost 6 years, may the past make us better and not bitter.

Friday, December 27, 2013

Home Sweet Home

So I've been home with my sweet baby boy since Monday! Can I just say that adjusting to having two kiddos is not easy! Not one little bit! I had help for the first few nights, but now I'm on my own! Scaryyyyy!

And I am definitely being tested tonight! I can't get this boy to sleep for the life of me! I'm hoping its just tonight and tomorrow he's back to his usual... well whatever a usual is for a week old baby!

I'm already so in love with this little guy! He makes me smile for no reason! His sister does the same! That being said, I'm struggling to figure out a routine that includes both if them and one that doesn't cause bri to feel left out. Poor girl has been such a good helper and has had to put her wants aside at times. She seems okay but I do know she hates change! So hopefully I can get this whole single mom of two thing figured out soon! :)

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas!

Enough said.

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

He's here!

Oh baby!

My beautiful baby boy, Lincoln made his appearance on Saturday, December 21, 2013 @12:34! He weighed in at 8.6 lbs and 20.5" long!

He's simply amazing and I immediately fell in love! :)

My labor, however, was not so amazing and lasted too long for my liking! When I started keeping track of contractions, it was 10pm Friday night. They lasted 1min every 3 minutes until baby was born nearly 14 hours later! I had excruciating back labor that was so painful I threw up several times. I figured through the night I'd made progress, but at 6am when I went to the hospital, I was still only 2cm! WTH! So I walked, rolled on the ball, and took a bath...I then progressed to a 7 and DEMANDED an epidural by this time! It was heavenly and completely dulled the back pain!

When I got to 10, dr was ready to have me push. Fue to having no feeling, I pushed for an hour before they turned the epidural down. By then I had feeling and pushed that baby right out! :) He had a rather large head that I definitely struggled with!

So anyways, he made his appearance, his daddy cut his umbilical cord, and all was well with mom and baby!

Monday, December 16, 2013

Sneak preview of our photo sesh...

Friday, December 13, 2013

Mistakes

A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

We're in this together...

Can I just brag and say that I have the most amazing family anyone could ever ask for?

I have a unique bond with my parents and sister, and it couldn't be better. They are truly my inspiration and best friends and have helped me get to where I am today.

The other day I was having one of my usual phone conversatoins with my dad, he typically calls to visit when he's driving, which I love! We were talking about life in general and just how we've all struggled and pulled together as a family.

 
I was sharing my concern and the feeling of being terrified for raising two kiddos alone, and I will never forget when he said, "We're in this together." That was exactly what I needed to hear, and it couldn't have come at a better time! (With pregnancy emotions, my due date approaching, and 9 months of waiting for reality, I have been slightly overwhelmed)

He assured me that no matter what happens, we (my family) are all in this together! And it's not just regarding my kiddos, but in all the struggles we've been in. We step up to help each other out in any way we can. We listen to each other, spend time together, and come together as a family when no one else steps up.

--> Last night, I made dinner and my parents came over for dinner and helped me get Baby Linc's room finished and put plastic over the windows (sooo cold). I could tell my dad wasn't feeling the greatest, but he was here, and he helped me until it was done. What a trooper! :)

Love your family, my friends!



Monday, December 9, 2013

When is it my turn?

You know, everyone always says life isn't fair. And I know this more than most. Things go right, wrong, and crazy! And you never really know what you're gonna get, like Forest says...

But really, when is it my turn to have things fair and simple? Everything in my life that has been a struggle wasn't chosen, but i took it like a champ and walked away like a boss...

Today, though, I'd like not to struggle. I'd like to have an easy day, a day without worries, a day where everyone is happy, a day where I can just "be" and everything will be alright...When is it my turn for that?

I don't ever yearn for what others have, but we all want certain things out of life, and I'd say it's okay to want things, such as love, happiness, health, etc...right? So perhaps I am just dealing with my pregnancy emotions today...but I want those things too...and could have really used a good companion to come along this journey with me! I'm so busy making sure everyone else taken care of, which is fine, but today, I just want someone to take care of me...

When will it be my turn?

Friday, December 6, 2013

Oh baby it's cold outside!

Oh baby its cold outside! This morning was -5*!! I can't deal...

Had a rough start to my day... woke up late and showed up an hour late to drill...ay yi yi! But I think at 38 weeks prego, no one was overly upset I was late!
Yes, I said 38 weeks prego! Due in just 12 short days! Hoping baby Linc doesn't come until next weekend! May be a bit selfish, but I have a few days off and need to get some rest in before I'm on 24 hr newborn duty...or should I say dooty!

Had a bit of a scare the other day...it snowed ALL day and was slick as hell... I took a dive in the parking lot after work. I landed on my side I think, but then on the car ride home my lower abdomen was on fire! I made it home and to my dr apt... and thank goodness baby seemed fine! Very active with a strong heart beat! Doc checked me out and definitely said he wasn't going to be coming anytime soon! So my bet is on the 15th! Can't wait to meet MY little boy! :)

Side note: every thing else is going wonderful and my Bri is keeping me busy! So excited for all her holiday events coming up! She simply amazes me every day! Love her!

Also want to send a quick shout out to my mom for doing such an amazing job with bri and watching her while I'm away! Love you!

Stay warm all and enjoy your weekend! :)

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Be inspired.

 
Have you ever felt like you've hit rock bottom? I sure have. I used that feeling to pick my ass back up and move forward! It has been the hardest and most rewarding thing I have ever done. I am 27 with a story. A story I don't mind sharing. Granted I won't share it all right now, I will say that if you asked me where I thought I'd be in my adult life, my current life would not have been the answer. Of course no one can really have a set plan without deviating, but I never saw myself here. My life today has evolved from the events that have come about in the last 9 years after highschool. I had intentions of going to college to play hockey, become a doctor, and have lots of money! Who doesn't want money right? But, life is not about money. It's about enjoying it and making the best of it! So I did, I jumped by the seat of my pants, often times getting myself into trouble or doing things I wouldn't normally do...but that only builds character right?
 
So needless to say, I never went on to play hockey after high school, I am clearly not a doctor, and I definitely don't have millions! ;) But what I do have is sooo much better! I had to go through trials and tribulations to get where I am, but I was determined....

 
I believed I could...and I did. I am not yet where I want to be, but I have come so much farther than I once was. I've wanted to blame others for my misfortune, but it's no ones fault but my own. Perhaps I thought I needed someone else to make me happy. I was wrong. Once you are happy with yourself and can truly be content, everything seems at peace and worth while.
 
I kept my head held high, pushed my shame aside, and trudged forward on this journey I'll call my life. Don't get my wrong, things surely aren't perfect, but they are worth while and I am absolutely content with what I have accomplished while rebuilding my new life.
 
My story is no better than anyone else's, as we all fight battles no one knows about. But I want to inspire those who've been at rock bottom, those who have felt worthless, and those who are stuck in a funk. I was there. I felt like things would NEVER get better, I felt like I would feel shitty everyday, I felt like I couldn't heal emotionally. I wanted to run away from my problems instead of face them head on.
 
When I finally did face them, I climbed my ass back up to the top. My story is my own and isn't to be compared to anyone else's. I don't yearn for what other's have. I have worked extremely hard to get where I am and couldn't be prouder. I've done things I never thought I'd have the opportunity to do and did them with confidence. On top of picking myself back up, I trusted my support system (family) to be there for me if I did slip. Having that support system was a driving force to being a better me. And of course, my amazing daughter and soon to be son have driven me to do better for myself and for them. Who knew a child could mean so much to one person, I don't have words to explain how important they are to me. But I want them to know that everything I've done to be better, is from their presence and for their future.
 
So be inspired my friends. Life is not easy, and it's almost easier to give up and mope, but pick your ass up and go! Your future self with thank you!






Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Thankful

Today is going to be a beautiful day!

I'm pleased to announce the birth of baby Noah Michael, born yesterday to Krissy and Brian! :) So excited for them and their new bundle of joy!

It's Thanksgiving week, and I truly couldn't be more thankful for everything in my life! Granted I am thankful all year-round, I'd like to take some time and share what I am most thankful for:
1. My amazing family: Briahna, Baby Lincoln, Nita, John, and Molly! Obviously I am biased, but I couldn't have asked for a better family!
2. My job: currently I work at the hospital. A hospital with great employees and management. They've been very supportive when needing time off due to sick kiddos and pregnancy. I've had several opportunities to move up and around within the organization.
3. My home: I am so grateful to have been able to purchase my own home. It's my very own! With the help from my family, it's going to be a wonderful place to raise and grow with my little family.
4. Health: I am thankful for my own health and my families health.
5. Friends & extended family & Tuan: those who have been there for me, listened to my sob stories, and went on adventures with me and cared for my kiddos.
6. The Army: as much as people complain about our military, It's something I am extremely proud of. Looking forward to doing more and making rank. Without the military, we wouldn't live in a country like we do.
7. Divorce: it sounds so morbid but it's true. I'm thankful to have been able to put an unresolved issue to rest. You shouldn't give up on a marriage without fighting for what you want, but there are instances where divorce is the answer and both parties can move on and enjoy their lives. Not everything is meant to be and that's okay.
8. The little things: food, water, running, shopping, babies, crafts, wine, movies, books, education, sports, vacation, travels, stars in the sky, makeup, happiness, fun, laughter...to name a few!

Be thankful my friends! Have a great holiday weekend!

Sunday, November 24, 2013

The best big sister :)

My love and her brother!

My struggle as a single mom...

To be honest, I wouldn't trade being a single mother for the world! However, I will admit that I tend to struggle with it some days. Thank goodness for an amazing and supportive family! I couldn't do this without them, this is for sure!

I want to take a moment to reflect on the past week and weekend. I feel like it's a blur and due to pregnancy brain, I can remember so little of it.

The biggest thing that stands out in my mind is the confrence I had with B's teacher. I anticipated it would be quite positive and I was right. She recieved all E's and S+'s on her report card, those would be similar to As and Bs. I mean, I may be biased, but my kiddo is unbeleivably smart and so full of life and wisdom and knowledge! The downfall of this confrence, is that her teacher told me she was one of her lowest ability students at the beginning of the year due to some standardized testing they make these poor 1st graders take. I mean seriously? How can you possibly compare a 1st graders ability on a test, when #1-they have never taken a test before, #2- you are pounding into their brains that they need to do well on this test, which in turn makes them nervous, and #3- the tests are asking questions at a 3rd grade level. I mean I get that they want to see where these children place, but comeon...AND if you know my B...you know how smart she is and how well she reads and grasps information. I was just stunned. And had this been true, that she really was a low ability student, shouldn't I have known about this? I mean, her kindergarden teacher said nothing of the sort, her doctor says she is right on track, at 4 years old she tested for kindergarden and they said she was more than ready. I am just concerned as to who's expectations she is supossed to meet!? She meets mine everyday and then some!

So with that, I've been beating myself up all weekend thinking I am just a terrible mom. Maybe if I was home more, or didn't have to work full time, or spent more time reading, writing, and learning, that she would be meeting this expectations of her school. Maybe if there WAS someone else around to help me, that would make it better?

But...I checked myself...and reminded myself that I am a good mother. I have done everything I can to make sure she is where she is at today, which is truly smart and amazing. My family has been a huge influence on her knowledge and education, as well as her dad.

As a single mom, it's too easy to blame yourself for everything that may go wrong. It's easy to feel bad and that you could do better...in most cases we can all do better...but when you do what's right and put forth an effort to give your children everything they deserve and more, just know that you are doing the right thing for your child and yourself. Its okay to make mistakes and try new things, that's how we learn to raise children the right way!

So if a teacher ever tells you something like that about your child, step back and remember that they only see a small portion of your child and their ability. You see their true potential day and day out.

Friday, November 22, 2013

Emotional

So. Dang. Emotional! Wow, these pregnancy emotions are beginning to take its' toll and I'm burnt out!

I'm a fairly sensitive person and get hurt feelings quite easy...but lately its worse! I'm either super happy or crying...never inbetween! :-P hopefully the emotional side of me will subside a bit when my baby boy arrives!

I'm so overwhelmed with his arrival slowly creeping closer and closer! He's approximately 30 days away! I still have a lot to do to be ready for him! I have to make a big Target run for some items I need yet. I'm hoping I can find some good deals cuz I sure can't afford all new stuff! I'm a bit nervous about breastfeeding again too! I did it with Bri and it was okay, but it just feels so awkward for me. Any tips to make it easier?

Back to being emotional and all over the place, my mind continues to be busy when I'm sleeping! Oyy the intense dreams I've been having literally feel so real that I actually questioned if they happened or not! Its chaos!

Wish me luck in the next coming weeks as my life continues to change! Give me the strength to do this on my own! So excited but so nervous!

Lastly, quick shout out to my mom! Happy birthday to the best nana ever! Thanks for everything! We love you!

Monday, November 11, 2013

What a weekend...

I have to say my weekend was good and bad all at the same time.

The saddest part of my weekend was a memorial service for my beautiful Great Grandma Gladys. She passed away in September and we just now had a service for her. It was nice catching up with family and hearing some stories about my grandma. She was definitely unique and full of the business! :) I was glad I was there to support my mom who has been a part of my grandma's caretaking and handling other legal matters. She was a trooper! Rest in peace GGG!

On the bright side, Briahna got a pretty awesome surpise on Thursday night. I told her we were going to have a girls day on Friday at the Mall of America, little did she know her daddy was waiting for her at our hotel! She had no idea he was coming! I was so happy that she finally got to see him, it had been several months since she saw him. The weekend was full of daddy time for her! They did the Mall of America park and T-Wolves game, saw the movie Free Birds, and took a trip to Chuck-E-Cheese. She came home with prizes galore! I tagged along for a few things but really wanted to let them have their time together. I know it was out of her norm to have him here, but again, just glad she was able to see him! :) Until next time...

With daddy being in town, it was an emotional realiztion for me. I struggled the entire weekend trying to keep my composure and not be upset. I am happy to say that we got along and were very civil to each other. I did my best to make him feel comfortable here and that he was taken care of. As did he, he assisted with some baby #2 stuff and made sure I was okay. As difficult as it was/is to heal after divorce, I can honestly admit that I can be his friend and be civil for my kiddos and myself. I am also happy that he got to feel his son wiggle around in my belly and get a glimpse that this is real and baby#2 will be here soon...

soon...like less than 40 days!! Baby #2 is cookin away and growing like a weed. I am just about 35 weeks along and am getting more and more nervous for him to get here! Excited and nervous I should say! What am I going to do!! How am I going to do this! AH! I am slowly getting his room ready, I finally have at least a few essential items and can survive the first few weeks with everything I have...but yikes! Just the thought of everything that comes with a new baby scares me!! EEEEK!

Can't say this blog was interesting or exciting...just needed to write! I have a lot more to say...but need to pace myself and take some time to absorb my thoughts before I put them into words!

Lastly, I would like to thank all the Veteran's! What is a Veteran? A Veteran - whether active duty, discharged, retired, or reserve - is someone who, at one point in his/her life, wrote a blank check made payable to the 'The United States of America,' for an amount of 'up to and including his/her life.'

Thank you to my fellow brothers and sisters! I couldn't be more proud to serve with those past, prestent, and future to defend our home! Thank a Vet and remember what they've done for you!

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Life's normalcies...

Well, it has been a rough couple of days, I'd say... it could definitely be worse, as much as it could also be better.

This pregnancy has caused me a lot of issues and discomfort to say the least. I am 32 weeks with just about 8 weeks to go! I've been getting Braxton-Hicks contractions that are never ending it seems! With that, the Doc put me on 8 hour work restrictions, which aren't so bad, but I normally work 12 hours so I am losing hours and pay! :( It's definitely something that concerns me.

Along with that, I feel so bad about my job and position. I have had to take time off, I've been sick, and Briahna has been sick. I just feel like I haven't been able to dedicate my time 100% to my job. So with my feelings of guilt and feeling bad about making it inconvenient for others, I applied for a job that requires less of my time and shorter hours. I will have to compensate those extra hours by trying to pick up extra shifts or potentially looking for a second job, as well as budgeting the hell out of what I make financially...ugh...dreadful.

Yesterday, I got a call from Bri's school saying she had a fever of 103...dun dun dun! Not the call I need at the moment, I hate when Briahna is sick! I hate even more that I just can't stay home with her when she is sick. Thanks to my amazing dad, he came in early this morning and watched her until I found someone to cover for me at work. My parents have bent over backwards to make sure we are taken care of, for that I am soooo thankful! One thing I knew would be hard, but hadn't thought about, was that being a single mom of two kiddos is going to be hard! I am mom and dad, their primary caregiver, and the only one they have to rely on on a daily basis. That's a lot of responsibility! Makes me wish that I had another person helping out regularly, but something I will definitely learn to adjust to! Ay yi yi! Wish me luck!

ps...My eyes are magnetized to food. By food, I mean ALL food. I can't stop eating! Candy especially, it's an addiction! I feel like I am eating all day and I feel like I am gaining so much weight! Ugh! I am so ready to get back in the gym and have my old clothes fit again! It's devastating now, even knowing I am pregnant, when I put on clothes and they are too small! :( Makes me sad. I know its natural to gain weight and obviously grow a pumpkin under my shirt, but it sure does have an emotional breaking point when I had worked so hard to get where I was prepregnancy! On the plus side, I still weigh less now than I did at the beginning of my pregnancy with Bri. So I guess that is a plus!

Be right back...sick kiddo calling...I know she's sick when she only wants cereal for dinner and complains of being cold (she's my mini heater)!

Oh I had my first little get together at my house this past weeked! It was quite lovely! We had chili (which I made!!) and carved pumpkins and enjoyed some good ol' girl talk! I definitely enjoyed the company! :) Will hopefully post pics soon of that day and also of my almost finished house! It's feeling so homey and welcoming! Not too many projects left to complete except for the baby's room...which I really need to get my butt into gear! Baby will be here before I know it!



Saturday, October 12, 2013

Zombies!

The Halloween season is upon us! Bri let me turn her into a zombie, or something like it. She couldn't sit still for too long, but she definitely looks creepy!

I used knockoff paint for her face and no primer under it so I had a hard time getting the paint to stay!

The next day I had a chance to try it on myself! I used my Makeup Forever Flash Pallet, so in love! And I used Smashbox primer underneath. I could see and feel a huge difference from when I did Bri's.

I attempted to create a bullet wound with special effects wax and blood. I don't get to do it often so it was a work in progress! But I think it turned out! I mean, who really knows what a zombie vampire looks like? ;-)

This was months ago, attempting to creat the cat from Alice in Wonderland! I'm still trying to figure out what products I like and which brushes work best!

I'll be a stellar makeup artist one day! I've done a few brides and engagement photos, web series, and such last year.. and I hope to get back at it when my little sausage link is born!

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Feeling crafty...

 
Here is my latest creation! I took an old cork board and lined it with lime green fabric and tacked a sage green brulap piece to the top. I suggest to anyone who attempts this to use a hammer! My thumb has a bruise from pushing in all the tacks... I attempted to keep the tacks straight with an even distance between each one, well, I think I did okay. I am excited to hang it in my kitchen and probably put photos on it.
 
I am not a huge crafty person but I am getting more and more into it. I recently did a few a wine bottles wrapped in twine and also made coasters using a plain coaster set, vintage scrapbooking paper, and some sort of resin that dries clear and allows for your drinks to sit on it! I was proud!
 
I meant to attach those photos too but it didn't work. :(  


Monday, October 7, 2013

It's legally official folks...

I am legally a Piepenburg again! At least I can stop explaining why I am so white with an Asian last name.

I got a letter in the mail and my divorce is final and has been filed. I write this post with an enormous amount of stress relief and a heavy heart full of mixed emotions. It's something that I knew was coming and expected it to be final this month. I didn't realize I would still be emotional and feel like I failed at marriage. I didn't expect any sort of sympathy from the ex, but it is a little heartbreaking how easy this was for him to get divorced. I am perhaps quite bitter towards him and the ease I see upon him. But in reality, I guess I really did take care of the filing and court appearances and making amendments and meeting with an attorney, and on top of all that, stuck with the bill. I think it's only natural to be bitter when it's come to this.

For my own sake, I've had to forgive him and believe that he can be a good person and good father to my children. Forgiving someone is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of strength overcoming something so devastating. My mind is fixed with emotions, and I am at a loss for words to explain how I am feeling at this moment. I thought I was done shedding tears for something that is such a lost cause, but here I am, soaking up the tissues. It can only get better with time, right?

With that, I'd like to spread the word that October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. This is a subject I feel so strongly about. Something I didn't realize occurred as often as it does. As a victim of this myself, I believe it is so important for you to know the signs of emotional and physical abuse. I am not yet ready to share my story. But I will put this out there, when a family member or friend shows concern toward your well being and relationship with your significant other, it's not because they are nosey, it's because they sense there is something wrong. Don't be quick to dismiss their concerns, for it could save your life one day. It is not easy to walk away from a domestic violent relationship but with the strength and support to do so, you will realize your worth and that no one should ever be treated with such disrespect.

Domestic Violence can occur in different ways, I know most people think of physical abuse as the only way of domestic violence, but that is not the case. There is also sexual abuse, emotional abuse, and financial abuse. And the type of abuse can be so subtle you may just brush it off, as I did. Sometimes name calling at the slightest is a form of domestic violence. Simply being called crazy or stupid or ugly is a form of abuse. Don't allow this sort of behavior.

From the National Network to End Domestic Violence:
"People who batter have a need to gain and maintain all of the power and control in the relationship. People who batter come from all walks of life but have common characteristics:
  • Insecure
  • Emotionally dependent
  • Excessively jealous
  • Manipulative
  • Can be very charming and then suddenly angry and violent."
And no, not all partners are abusers and not all abusers are men, but know the signs and know when to say enough is enough. All relationships will have spats and arguments, but there is a fine line between a disagreement and violence/abuse.

I know of only a handful of other victims who've suffered extreme cases of domestic violence and their strength and courage to get away is what keeps me moving forward.

In Minnesota this year, several girls have gone missing by the hands of their significant others alone. How is this continuing to happen? STOP TURING YOUR HEAD THE OTHER WAY WHEN YOU SEE SIGNS OF ABUSE. It's not normal, and it is your business, especially if it's someone close to you. Don't make excuses for bad behavior or put blame on an innocent victim. As I said, there is a fine line between a minor disagreement and violent abuse. Think about it...Don't ignore this escalating problem. Make a stand and defend those victims instead of blaming them.

Please follow "Liz's Daughter" on Facebook.
"WARNING! This is a Domestic Violence awareness and prevention page. We talk about an issue that affects the community, law enforcement and generations of families. We must work together to create change! BREAK THE SILENCE STOP THE VIOLENCE."
https://www.facebook.com/#!/LizsDaughter?hc_location=stream

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

What a weekend

What a weekend! It was bittersweet I'd say. Friday I spent part of the day with my girl Kris and little Liam! He's almost 2 and makes me so excited for my little guy! That evening I went to see Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs 2 with my little love and Kayla. It was a lovely day catching up with friends! :)

Saturday, however, was a sad day. We laid my beautiful Great Grandma Gladys to rest. It was bitter cold and rainu, but well worth the chill. She always drank vinegar and used it for everything, so to send her on her way, we poured a bottle all around her tombstone. It was quite a rush when the Pastor said the Lord's Prayer...a huge gust of wind just about knocked us on our ass! It definitely was a sign that she was ready to go. After the burial, we went for lunch with some family and shared some good stories about our silly GGG! :) peace out grams!

Sunday, I took Briahna to Sunday School. I don't pish the religion thinv, but I do believe it's important fir her to have the knowledge for when she is older to make that choice on her own. So far tho, she loves it! I met my other Granny there and joined her for the church service. I haven't been to church in years, but I will say it was a positive experience and I'd go again. I have my oen beliefs, but this particular Sunday hit home for me. The Pastor spoke of sinners amd saints. His sermon reminded me that even tho I have made mistakes in the past, that I, now, am not the mistakes I once made. As my picture states, every saint has a past and every sinner has a future. Well said.

After church, Granny came over for coffee and Scrabble! I kicked her butt! I also worked on my LinkedIn profile with am attempt to put myself out there for bigger and better things! That evening, nana invited us over for a delicious dinner, stuffed porkchops! Yum!

Anyways... it was a lovely weekend and I'm so thankful for what I've been blessed with! :) have a lovely day!

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Actions speak louder than words...

Actions speak louder than words. Some people will never understand the meaNing of this. Ever. Saying one thing and doing one thing are so different.
It's hard dealing with these types of people. I'll admit that I've been guilty of it as well. However, I've made a conscious effort not to contradict myself.

I feel like I know too many people close to me who behave like this. Is it so hard to do what you say? One thing I hate the most is when someone says, "if you need anything, let me know. " that is the biggest lie I've heard lately. When I seek help or support or just a friend... I'm forgotten or ignored. Don't pretend to be there for someone when you truly won't be. Its misleading and hurtful. Hurtful especially when you see someone else getting royal treatment from said person who offered.

It makes me second guess everything people say. Why is it so hard to just be kind for no other reason than to be kind? I know it sounds whiney, but how wrong am I?

When it happens to me, I vent, and move on. When it happens to my kiddo, it's an entirely different story. When you do a child wrong, it's harder to be forgiven. Don't make promises or get their hopes up if you're only going to let them down. A child deserves nothing but happiness and good intentions.

That is all

Walks

One of my favorite times during my workday is when I get my walks. I get to soak in some fresh air and just breathe. I don't walk too fast anymore but its one of my stress relievers!

Since Sunday, I've been fairly stressed. Some due to work (my last post), some due to my health, and some just dealing with daily life.

I had to go to the Dr the other day. Hadn't felt baby2 move hardly at all and I had like an everlasting braxton hicks contraction for over a day almost. I had an ultrasound which appeared to be normal. Baby was noted to already have a head full of hair! Anyways, I ended up having an infection and was given an antibiotic. So hopefully that will help and keep me out of the dr for a while. Also my placenta moved up enough so that's a good sign too. And on top of all that, they have me a shot in my ass (rhogam due to me being O- and my baby may be + so it keeps my body from creating antibodies against his blood).

But today I am feeling well. Still having braxton hicks ALL the time which is normal. I am about 28 weeks! It has gone quick and I can only imagine how fast the next 12 weeks are going to go!

I'm hardly ready for this little guy! I found a newborn checklist of things I'll need... shiza! I forgot what it was like preparing for a baby! Yikes! And expensive! But secretly I'm excited to go baby shopping and find cute stuff! Right now the main things I'm hunting for are a carseat and pack N play with the newborn napper piece. There are obviously more things I need but those are two very important things!
This post took me nearly 2 days to finish writing, can you say busy with interruptions? Sheesh! But I wouldn't have it any other way... we all know my downtime causes me to overthink everything!

Hope you all had a fabulous week! :)

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Uncontrollable...

I Don't really have any words to describe how I'm feeling today.

I worked 3 long 12 hour shifts this weekend... I'm so burnt out. A few things I noticed, 1- I saw way too many sick, injured, and mentally unstable people in these 3 days, 2- it breaks my heart that at times, there is nothing I can do to help some of these people, 3- every day I leave here, I am so very thankful that my family is healthy, 4- the world can be a terrifying place, keep an eye out for you family and friends, take care of each other and be supportive in times of need.

With my 12 hour shifts, I have a lot of time to think and wonder...I should say worry... about anything and everything. I think I'm just feeling overwhelmed with my work as well as my personal life. So much going on and so much out of my hands. I'm ready to cry...I'm not a total control freak, but I feel like I have no control over the outside world and the things that go on out there. Literally breaks my heart.

Aside from that, the things I can control are just fine. Just keep moving forward and doing my thing!

Friday, September 20, 2013

Healing

Just wanted to share this and how true it is. We have the ability to choose the better path in life. We all have our dark days or moments, just remember that it won't be dark forever! Look for the brighter days and moments and choose to embrace them!

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

I need some clarity in my life...

Today was an odd day. It was my first day off where I had NOTHING planned. It was awkward and I didn't like it, not one little bit. I had too much time to think and dwell. I even took a nap until noon after I dropped Bri off at school. NOT COOL!

With my day off, it was literally filled with anxiety and over thinking everything! I also had to print out some pictures for a project photo book for Briahna's class. I went through all of my photos online and on my computer to find some good ones for her to use, needless to say, it was an emotional trip down memory lane. Some of those photos I hadn't looked at since I moved back to MN in 2011.

There were some really great memories from my times in California and Germany. But they also were a sad reminder that those are simply distant memories which at this moment hold no value anymore. I don't look at them and remember the good times, I only remember how terrible things have ended. I am obviously not fully healed...

It breaks my heart for my kiddos, too. I try to keep photos of Briahna and her dad and his family around for her sake. But boy are they hard to look at. I truly hope that in the future I can see the good memories again and remember the good times. Until then, I'll keep holding on to that hope.

Any advice for this girl would be greatly appreciated! I don't personally know many people who have dealt with divorce or emotional breakups (lucky for the people I do know who haven't experienced it).

Monday, September 16, 2013

Today was the day...

Today was the day...my divorce hearing! I was so nervous I almost passed out! It did end up going well and fairly quick. I had to answer a few questions and go over the marital termination agreement with my lawyer. The judge was legit and didn't deny anything since everything was agreed upon prior to appearing before the judge.

It's sad that it ended this way, but it's better and healthier for all persons involved!

It's been a long road to get to this point, but now that it's here, it's a relief that it's over. One less thing to stress about.

My amazing mother came for emotional support! I'm truly blessed to have had such a strong support system from family and friends. Thanks all! :)

Thursday, September 12, 2013

My little reader...

So last night this beauty read me the entire book, "Ten apples Up On Top." I am so stinkin proud of her and her progress at reading. I'm lucky that she loves school and loves to learn! This girl is a rock star! Love her!

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

26 weeks prego!

My little sausage link is growing beautifully at 26 weeks! I have such a love for him already that I can't even explain in words! I get such a joy from his movement in my belly! Its a sign that all is going well! I am pretty sure ill be giving birth to a little ninja! :)

As scared as I am to become a single mom of two kiddos, I an so excited for this new chapter in my life! I know it will be a challenge, but to be blessed with such an amazing gift is amazing!

I'm hoping to get this little guy's nursery somewhat put together soon! Technically, I've got just about 14 weeks before he arrives! Holy moly! I feel like I've been preggo forever, but it's going to fly by I'm sure!

Oh the joys of babies! :)

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Vent away...

So I need to vent... I've kind of always been too nice and forgiving at times. Its probably had a lot of impact on my stress level too. I always try to believe that people can change or make amends if they've done you wrong. I try to give the benefit of the doubt...

Is it possible that I have too much faith in seeing the good in people? For a brief moment, I thought forgiving someone who has done wrong by me so many times that it would make them realize that I am a good person. I was wrong. So wrong.

I am irritated... I want nothing more than to have honest truthful people in my life and some people will just never change.

Why should I bend over backwards to help someone out when they wouldn't do the same for me? Or they would...only if it was beneficial to them. What happened to doing things simply out of the kindness of your heart? Sheesh!

Also, I have a question... what do you consider to be nosey? Asking a general question doesn't make you nosey, right? Prying...prying makes you nosey. But instead of being bitter or angry about the way I get treated, I'll just return the favor... I may not know how to be a mean person, but I do know that I don't have to put up with disrespectful people.

Gotta put on my big girl panties and stand up for myself and my family. Call me miss moving on to a better me!

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Don't be ashamed of your story...

Well where should I start?

I officially live in my own house and am fairly settled in! Its such an amazing feeling! All of the hard work done by my parents has given me a home I can't be more thankful for! :) I want to repay them in some way, ideas?

Bri survived her first week of first grade! Poor thing has to get up at 5am everyday since I have had to work and had drill. Hopefully soon we will be in a better routine! I've got to remember soon to get her signed up for dance and basket ball! She opted out of hockey this year, which made me sad but it's okay.

My stress level has been decreased tremendously! Partly to my new house and work schedule, but also to my ability to move forward with my head held high no matter what life has thrown at me. It is a beautiful feeling.

But do u know what's not a beautiful feeling? I just had a birthday, and I'm 27!!! Holy moly, I'm gettinh close to 30!

But on the bright side, at 27 I've been blessed with so much!

Ps today I'm at drill, stuck all day watching weapons cuz I'm preggo! Me and my other preggo battle have been having good conversation about life and unit drama! Typical army stuff!

But I'm done rambling! Have a good day all!

Friday, August 23, 2013

Shoutout!


Just want to send a quick shout out to my amazing mom and dad for all of their hard work on my house! They've made awesome progress! My dad out in the laminent flooring in and is pretty much done with that. Mom has been working like a maniac at painting/sanding cabinets and they are almost ready to put back in the kitchen! We've got all the bedrooms, bathroom, and living room painted too!

Jenn and Tricia came and painted and helped with a few other odds. Their help was much appreciated! Thanks again ladies!

Looks like the counter tops will be in tomorrow and mom will be starting the backsplash soon too! Once i get the floors I'm the bedrooms cleaned, we will be moving stuff in! Sooooo excited!

Thanks again to those who have helped me with my house and watching Bri while we've been working! :)

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Baby2 is finally showing!


Here's baby2 finally making an appearance and growing! I'm extra sore and tired today, can barely stay awake! :( I'm working I'm the ER today and my doc for the day gave me the go ahead to nap at my desk... he'll have some explaining to do if someone catches me! ;)

Monday, August 19, 2013

Pregnancy...can be awkward!

Pregnancy causes a plethora of discomforts and awkward...side effects let's say...some I wish would just go away! I'm about 23 weeks or so and have graciously been blessed with many of the discomforts...
- breast changes
- fatigue
- nausea
- frequent urge to pee
- headaches
- bleeding/swollen gums
- constipation
- dizziness/fainting
- trouble sleeping
- heartburn
- hemorrhoids
- varicose veins
- leg cramps
- nasal congestion
- shortness of breath
- stretch marks
- swelling of feet/legs
- discharge
- backaches
- acne
- abdominal pain
...to name a few. Its funny how miserable some of these can be, yet us moms put ourselves through it to grow a beautiful little baby. The things we do for our children... even before they are born!

I'm getting more and more excited for baby2 as time goes on. He is busy wiggling and kicking inside! I can definitely feel him with my hand on my belly! Bri finally felt him too! :)

I've gotten some baby items, but sheesh...baby stuff is expensive! Even more more than when Bri was born!

Anyways, hope everyone had a great weekend! I've been working on the house, it's getting closer to being done! Pics to come soon!

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Overwhelmed...

 
So first off, I would like to say how overwhelmed I am! Shiza! There is so much going on, so much that needs to get done, and so much to look forward to!
 
I know I've been whining and complaining about how hard this divorce process has been on me, and again, it's the hardest thing I have ever dealt with.
 
But I want to put out that there is so much greatness in my life that sometimes I forget. I've let the divorce/breakup consume me and it's done nothing but bring me down. And really, that is the only downfall in my life at the moment. I really do have so much to be thankful for!
 
With that, I was supposed to close on my house last week, but due to some paperwork discrepancies, I am to wait another week. So throw some good vibes my way! :) I've done quite a bit of shopping for my house! We've got paint, cabinets, and flooring to keep us busy as soon as we can get the keys! I've got color schemes chosen for all the rooms so far, just gotta get the essentials and accents to make it work! The biggest project is going to be the kitchen for sure! And thank goodness my parents are big DIYers! They were almost more bummed about the push back of closing than I was! My mom was ready to rip into the projects! I'm recruiting help of all kinds to help paint, renovate, and move Bri and I!
 
I start working dayshift this week. No more nights for me! Nights are horrendous and I hope I never have to go back to working nights! I love me some sleep!
 
Bri has been a trooper lately. I know she senses the stress level I have been under but she is just so darn amazing and helpful. I really hope that these new changes wont affect her too much. She seems pretty resilient so far, and hope to keep it that way. I forget sometimes that she is just a kid and doesn't need to know details of how mommy is feeling. I have to remember to keep my composure around her and not let her see me upset. It's definitely a challenge, but doable.
 
I figured I'd post a picture of my preggo belly! I am 21 weeks along and feeling tired as ever! I've gained about 13 lbs and the Dr. kindly reminded me to stop worrying about weight gain and gain away (within reason)! My boobs are continuing to grow! Literally feels like rocks... Hips have shifted even more too, walking long distance has become a bit more uncomfortable, but I gotta keep on going! I bought a few more maternity shirts, I needed the length! My belly isn't extremely giant but I am sure it will get there! Hoping this little boy keeps growing and gets his weight on track with where he should be. Another reason to keep my stress level low, he is small for the stage in utero, so if I keep the stress down, I hope it helps him progess better!
 
I think I've got a name picked out, too! So far, I am in love with it and am going to stick with it! I'll probably only change it if when he's born and just doesn't look the name. But I am still open to suggestions! :)
 
No other big news. Still healing and dealing, trying to stress less. Again, hoping to get into my house soon so I can decorate and renovate!
 
Hope you all had a lovely weekend! Thanks for reading my life story...
 
 

Friday, August 9, 2013

F.A.I.L.

I need to remind myself that when something I try does not work, it's not a complete failure. It is simply a first attempt in learning. Some things are meant to be and others are not. All we can do when those things are not meant to be, is to get back on the horse and keep riding on.
 
So if something fails, just learn from what happened, and try again next time.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Eye opener...

Today, I was shockingly given an eye opener. I've been dealing with my stress and grieving over my divorce the wrong way. It has dramatically effected my health and state of mind. Instead of seeking support and comfort from my loved ones, I've lashed out in anger to those around me. For that, I truly apologize. I didn't realize how much of a negative impact daily stress can have on someone when it isn't dealt with accordingly.

I guess I agreed to everything involving my breakup/divorce, and I just feel like a failure. As much as I want and need to be civil, I am really struggling. Maybe it's jealousy of the new path he has taken. Maybe the end of the relationship was inevitable and we let it drag out far too long. Maybe I am so scared of what's to come when baby2 arrives and Im a single mom with 2 kiddos. Maybe I just haven't finished my journey to where I want to be in life, especially since this is not how I pictured my life today to be. Maybe I am punishing myself for anything and everything that happened in the past. I'm letting it make me bitter not better...when it needs to be the opposite!

A lot of the emotions flare up with the fact that I'm hormonal and pregnant! Who knew it could cause such havoc on someone!

But no matter how stressed I am, I need to put on my big girl panties and get my shit together for myself and my little family! I am doing research on how to manage stress and really trying to effectively go through the stages of grieving (which I've already gone through once before). I know it will be a challenge, but I haven't made it this far for nothing!

So I'm asking my lovely family and friends to bare with my on this journey to being a better, happier, and more relaxed version of me.

I also want to apologize again to everyone I've lashed out at or been short with. Im trying my best to be a better me!

Side note: I will be a home owner on Friday!! ThAnks to my mom, dad, molly, for making it all possible!

short update...

My love and I! Here I am at 20 weeks! Just found out today that baby2 is a boy!! So excited yet nervous! Also got word that I am closing on my house this Friday! Its been tough dealing with the lender but it's all worked out and soon I will be a home owner!!

Side notes: baby2 is a little small for his stage in development. My placenta is too close to my cervix but should hopefully shift as time goes on. My weight gain is slower than normal, due to stress. Also my blood pressure is extremely low that I have to be extra observant to make sure I don't faint. Aside from those details, mom and baby2 are on the right track!

What am I going to do with a boy? I have no idea how to raise a boy! I mean I grew up with girls! Help! ;)

Sunday, July 28, 2013

On the plus side...

...I am getting so much closer to closing on my house! Hopefully the lender has everything they need and I can get the ball rolling!  I did a little browsing at Menards the other day for my future home projects, holy expensive! Wow, I don't know how I am going to afford all the things I want! Looks like one project at a time! But either way, I am so excited to have my own place!! And if I haven't said it enough, I have to thank my parents and my sister for all the help they have and will give towards making this home my own! I couldn't have done it without them! :) Love you guys!!!

P.S. I know my previous blog was extra sad and maybe an over share, but to be honest, it is what it is. I am not ashamed by anything nor do I regret anything, but just like anyone...I wish certain things would have worked out in my favor. But I have risen above when most would have crumbled to the ground. I have become so independent and strong, I kind of surprised myself at times! So no pity parties or anything like that. I am just looking to vent and move forward with my life, which in all reality, is pretty amazing and full of blessings! That is all.

Hope you all had a great weekend!

I'll admit that I'm guilty...

...guilty of punishing people for other's mistakes and for not letting the past go. Last night I got a taste of my own medicine. I was asked an off the wall question. Apparently, someone spread a lie and it was believed for so many years and I wasn't confronted about it until yesterday. UM? How can I even respond when it was something 1. that never happened in the first place and 2. something that someone very close to me believed for so many years? I will admit that I was pretty devastated because it basically meant that this person has thought terrible of me for so long when there was no reason for it. With that, I truly believe my entire marriage and relationship was based on a giant lie. Isn't there supposed to be communication involved? Working together to fix it when it's bent? I mean, how does someone bring something up 6 years later and not expect me to be enraged!?

I have struggled with my divorce/breakup harder than I have probably ever struggled with anything in my life. It's just hard to believe that for so long, I thought things were one way, when in all reality, they were completely different. Sometimes people just aren't who they appear to be.  Is there someone to blame for this? I'd say so...but it takes two to tango. A relationship can't be one sided and be expected to work. It takes so much communication and trust to have a successful relationship, that apparently some people just don't have what it takes. And perhaps I was one of them. I let it fail.

I have a long way to go in the healing process, but already I have come to realize so many things. I can't say never, but I can say that I will not be looking for a significant other any time soon. And at this point, I do NOT want to get married ever again. But IF the time comes, I know 100% that I will look for someone who respects others, is trustworthy, does NOT believe that cheating is okay, someone who isn't afraid to show emotion, and someone who treats my kiddos with the respect they deserve.  I have been discouraged in believing that there are actually good people out there, but I will always give someone a chance to prove me wrong.



Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Parental Control??

Um? Who let's their 6 year old daughter call her friends just to leave nasty voice mails!!?? I know kids are kids, but seriously, parental control maybe? Then when I call to confront the parents, they can't even answer the phone and discuss the issue? Puke...parenting at it's finest I guess!

I am just livid right now! I know I can't always protect my baby, but when this girl calls MY phone and leaves messages for my child being rude and nasty (at 6 years old mind you) I get upset. Who in their right mind lets their 6 year old run the phone like that? This is not the first time, but it is the first time I attempted to confront the parents. And of course, I got no where.

I know this happens everywhere and kids will be kids, but it sure seems like Litchfield at it's finest! It makes me realize that Bri is going to grow up with these kids! Ugh! Sooo angry right now!

Mean girls at 6 years old? I guess times are changing! :(

Saturday, July 13, 2013

Random post...

Just a random post, no real purpose...

Have you seen the movie, "What to expect when you're expecting?" I am the girl who has every pregnancy problem alive. No glow, no feeling wonderful (well, once in a while I guess), just the ew and awkward moments of pregnancy! For those of you who are or have been pregnant, you know what I am talking about!

But hey, it's okay! I am about 17 weeks along so far. Baby2 is doing just fine in there, swimming like a fish or practicing karate like a ninja...whatevs! I will hopefully find out the sex on August 5th at my ultrasound! What do you think? I will be excited for either one, but I have heard a lot of comments that I am carrying a boy! We shall see! I want to know soon so I can start planning a nursery and getting ready! :)

I've been able to log in a few miles outside this week, not too many since it's been humid and I worked almost everyday, but it was better than nothing! Maybe tonight I can squeeze in 2 also! It hasn't gotten too uncomfortable with my growing belly, so I will keep at it until that time arrives!

House update: still working on that. Had a house inspection and found the roof needs immediate repair. No big deal, except the fact that the sellers are being shady about putting forth a dollar amount to help with the repair. I countered their low offer with a higher more realistic offer to help with the roof...still waiting to hear back. I really don't want to walk away at this point but I can't afford a new roof project right now! Not with all the extra added costs I am already dishing out for this home! Blah, good vibes sent this way please!

Oh my Bri started swim lessons this week, she is such a fish! The water is one of her happy places, she has a perma smile during her entire lesson! :) Last night we went to the fireworks in town, she was simply in awe the entire time. She couldn't stop talking about them and the oohs and ahhs! Today we are heading to the parade later this evening and hopefully something else to fill our weekend with tomorrow!

We also have to get ready for our little vaca to Colorado this week! So excited to check out the mountains, my priority is to get to the top of Pikes Peak and hike the Garden of the Gods! :)

Anywho...nothing else to share...time to go clean!

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Oh exercise...

...we have a love-hate relationship!

The other night, I stepped out for a slow 2-mile jog...I seriously thought I was going to die and I couldn't figure out why. My body didn't really hurt and my breathing was fine...it finally clicked... fyi I just run down my driveway (which is a 1/2 mile one way)...but when it clicked, I realized that everytime I ran back towards the house, I was running uphill against the insane wind we had that day! And I am pretty sure I was running faster, maybe just to get it over with. On my last time back towards the house (I ran down and back and down and back 2 get 2 miles), the boss, aka my mom, walked out of the house and told me I was done. I was like um no, I am fine...she kindly reminded me that it was also over 90 degrees and "my condition" should be monitored...needless to say I stopped and walked... so it makes sense as to why I felt like dying, 90 degrees uphill against the wind probably isn't the best environment for a prego runner! :p

Last night I squeezed in some squats, pushups, and the mali booty workout. It was nothing super intense but any sort of movement works, right!

Today, I am going to have to workout in the house. It is soooooooo hot outside, like disgustingly unbearable hot and humid! I am taking the kiddos (watching 2 wild little boys today) to the pool for some cool down time and sun! :)

Hope you all had a fab weekend! Don't forget to squeeze in a workout today!

Friday, July 5, 2013

I've got butterflies in my stomach!

I can feel baby2 fluttering around in my belly! :)

It's feeling more and more real as time goes on! Its hard to describe the feeling of a moving baby inside, kind of like a little fish in there, or in my case, a little ninja practicing karate! Just makes me smile and know that everything is doing okay in there! I am currently at 16 weeks 3 days. Baby2 is growing, about 4 1/2 inches from crown to rump (definitely growing...clothes getting tighter and tighter!). Eyes and ears are shifting to where they should be. Baby2 can pee and suck its thumb. Baby2 also sensitive to light!

PS. my kiddo just asked me, ever so nonchalantly, if it was okay for her to just wear her underwear today. um? Whatever floats her boat I suppose...it is 87 degrees and humid, so I'll let it fly!





Thursday, July 4, 2013

happy 4th my friends!

Well,  I hope you all have a fabulous holiday weekend! I'm working today but have the rest of the weekend off! I'm hoping to get to the pool and take bri fishing for the first time! Tomorrow I have my house inspection! Hoping it goes smoothly so we can move forward with the buying process! I'm so excited to decorate!!!

My main reason for blogging today is to just vent,  or just talk... get stuff off my mind I suppose! I'm feeling the wrath of pregnancy emotions today. ..BIG TIME!!! It's dead at work and I'm working alone... which gives me too much time to think! Me and over-thinking don't go well together! I've been beating myself over the head trying to figure out why some things just don't work out.  I try to believe that everything happens for a reason,  but sometimes I really wish I knew what that reason was and why!!! Maybe its me? Maybe I'm the reason things don't work out?  It's possible I guess, but I can't be that bad, right? Maybe I'm just too hard on my self when I should learn to ease up? (Ps just felt baby2 flutter!) Either way,  I just need to learn to relax and stop over-thinking!

I'm also Kind of lonely...maybe lots of lonely! It is sad that I don't really have a significant other to share this pregnancy with... and this is a time I really needed that person,  but for some reason,  that's not going to happen. My family has been really supportive and helpful, so I can't complain.  But I'm a big girl now,  can't always expect then to be the ones stepping in when I need help.  Maybe a mom group would help? Or something?  What do lonely people do to become unlonely? Any tips?

Well I don't want to have a pity party so I'll end on a good note, I'm going on vacation in 2 weeks to Colorado! It was such s steal,  1400 for flight and hotel for 4 people!

Again, happy 4th! Thank those who've made this country free! Special shout out to my battle buddies and vets! Thanks to the brave who are still serving to keep our country free!

Ps eat a hot dog today!

Sunday, June 30, 2013

An attempt...

...to get fit while pregnant? Sounds doable, right?

Well, it most definitely is. Today, I had a short convo with a friend about how I was really getting into my fitness and health prior to going to Army training and finding out I was prego. Due to morning sickness/dizziness during the first trimester and up until now (15 weeks), I hadn't been able to workout like I used to. And it really bummed me out. And gaining weight, bums me out even more. Like I mentioned in post before, it's devastating!

So now that I am in my second trimester, I am getting my energy back and am hoping to get back on my healthy fitness grind!

Tonight I stepped out for a walk and ended up jogging 2 miles straight! For not moving far or fast in the last 10 weeks, I was really proud of myself! I hadn't realized how much my body has changed until now as well. Running and noticing your hips have shifted = total discomfort, but I got it under control and kept on! With hips shifting, thighs touching, booty & boobs bouncing, and a belly growing, you really have to learn to adjust your running style to be able to keep going and not injuring yourself! I figured it out, and am really hoping I keep up this energy boost to keep getting my runs in, for at least another few weeks! After that, walking will have to do!

I've been doing pushups and core exercises before bed time too each night, so if I continue with that and add in my strength training, I should be golden when this baby2 is out! I am hoping to get back down to size 6, 140lbs...

That is what I was when I found out I was prego, so that's my goal after!

Side note: During my first pregnancy, my starting weight was 167 lbs. so I am already ahead of the game and I pushed at 194 lbs. just before delivery of my one and only Bri! So if I was able to get down to 140 after that, I think I can do it again! :)

Hope you all had a lovely weekend! Happy 4th of July week/weekend!

Saturday, June 29, 2013

Offer...Accepted!

My storm hasn't past but I can definitely see the rainbow peaking through!

I was just informed that the offer I put in on a house was accepted!! Seriously, I am so excited I can hardly contain myself! I can't wait for this next step in my life!

The house I put an offer on is 3 bedrooms (quite large I might add) 1 bathroom with a full unfinished basement. The main floor is just enough space for me and two little ones so I need to come up with something fun for the basement! Eventually a big family/rec room maybe? Either way, I am nearly peeing myself with excitement!!

On another note, as I am still dealing with all the stress in my life, things are good. I am remembering all of the good things I have going on for me and all the love and happiness I have surrounding me lately. Thanks to everyone who is there for me and supporting me on this challenging adventure! :)

This week I got to train down at Abbott hospital for a new FULL time position I was recently offered, I also got to go see Monsters University with my little love and mom (Its a must see btw!), and today I was feeling crummy this am (morning sickness), but was able to get over to a friends for some pool time and sun and good chats!

But getting the phone call for the house was just what I needed to top off my week! AHHH! So excited!

--you deserve the things you want, because you deserve to be happy.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

All good things come to an end...2

So I actually posted this before, last year sometime I believe...but I've been trying to put my feelings into words and this sort of sums it up, all over again. Can you imagine preparing for a divorce, getting all things ready, and reconciling...ONLY to have to prepare for a divorce a second time?? Broke my heart then, and breaks my heart now...even more than the first time I'd say. If I can offer any sort of marriage advice: give it your honest effort to make amends and fix what's bent and keep your significant other close to your side. Make them "your person" and treat them better than anyone else! They chose to be with you for a reason, that means a whole lot now a days! :)

Blog Repeat:

I should actually say all good things come to an end.

I am slightly bitter at the moment. Everyone I know is in love, getting married, recently got married, or having babies, etc. And here I am, getting a divorce at 26 years old. It was a long time coming but the fact that it's here, it's kind of upsetting. It's not an easy process, and it really brings out feelings I never knew I could even feel. I am kind of at a loss for words. I don't know how I am supposed to feel or what to think. Can I say that I tried my best to make it work? I hope so, I have a hard time accepting failure, so giving up is extremely difficult for this girl. But hey, I am putting one foot in front of the other in hopes to make it through the process. Bleh. They say the grieving process of divorce is similar to the grieving process of death. I can finally understand that, the feeling of loss. Even though it was an agreed decision, it is still a shitty situation and hard accept that I failed at something.

All i can do now is keep my head up and continue on with my life, simply in a new direction. I say simply because I am not ready to face that fact of how HARD it really will be. But as my previous post says, hard work WILL indeed pay off in the end.

--the greater your storm, the brighter your rainbow

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Exposed...

Where do I even begin? It has been 3 months or so since I sat down to blog! So I figured I would getback at it and put it all out there! So what's new you ask? 1. I finished WLC in April! Promotion coming soon! 2. Briahna is now officially a first grader and will be 6 next week! 3. I am so close to purchasing my first home; a fixer upper to make my very own! 4. I am almost 14 weeks pregnant with baby #2! 5. I am officially a single mom; it's a bittersweet feeling but I wouldn't trade it for anything! I have an awesome family supporting me! 6. My sister just turned 24 and moved to s. Korea! Miss her! Sometimes I debate about sharing certain info but I figured if I put it out there, I can avoid the annoying questions! One thing I have to say is morning sickness and this first trimester can eat it! I spent the last 6 weeks so terribly sick and tired. I even ruptured an eardrum and missed several days of work and important events! I am hoping the second trimester treats me well,I would like to get back to the gym! Oh I've also started showing!! That also means my clothes don't fit!its kind of devastating actually :( maternity clothes here I come! You know what's annoying? Being ignored, if someone takes the time out of their day to connect with you,have the courtesy to respond! Seriously! Technology makes it so east to stay connected...and you know that most people are on their phones all dang day anyways... sheesh! Just saying... What else can I vent about? I think that's enough for tonight...I'm sure this post will be a bit surprising for some, but hey, it is what I've been dealt and I'm gonna roll with it! Have a good week and enjoy yourselves all you silly people! Ps..quick shoutout to my dad! Happy fathers day man! Thanks for being amazing and keeping me sane and being the best tramps bri will have!

Monday, March 4, 2013

Another long and hectic weekend...

Well the last few days have felt extremely long! I worked the over night 2 nights in a row then turned around to have drill...in the middle of that, Briahna was running a 103.8 consistant temp, once reaching 105. I rushed home from drill at 10pm to take care of her. We spent Sunday trying to break the fever only having to make a quick trip to the ER for the 105 temp. All I will say is I will NEVER go back to the ER in Litchfield, the doctor didn't listen to any of the symptoms I explained to him and all he was worried about was a "red" throat...well she was throwing up multiple times moron! Bleh, so of course, they went to their "go-to" of prescribing an antibiotic...needless to say, I left quite irritated. She continued to throw up and run a temp of 103.. but today she is finally doing much better, eating, playing, and mobile!

Since she got to have a sick day today, I didn't get a chance to make it to the gym...at home workout chosen by Bri it was:

Six Pack March: 20 situps, 10 pushups, 30 sec plank

Strength Training for Women Workout
:30 plank pose
:30 leg lowering
:30 reverse crunch
20 shoulder shrugs w/ 20lb dumbbells
20 bent over rows w/ 20lb dumbbells
20 deadlifts w/20lb dumbbells
20 hammer curls w/5lb dumbbells
20 curls w/5lb dumbbells
20 standing calf raise w/20lb dumbbells
20 chest presses w/5lb dumbbells
20 chest fly w/5lb dumbbells
20 pushups
20 bridges
20 leg curls
20 goblet squats with 20lb dumbbell
20 lunges w/20lb dumbbells
20 lying side leg raises
55 jumping jacks

Malibooty workout (glute workout, hard to explain)
20 x2

I definitely worked up a sweat! I am limited on the weight at home since I only have 5lb dumbbells and 20lb dumbbells...it'd probably be a good idea to purchase some 10-15lb ones!

I created a workout binder today. I have a lot of workouts I have printed out to do at home and at the gym and finally got around to putting them in a book, so now I can flip through and quickly pick out a workout to do. Its nothing crazy but it is motivating having it handy.

I am hoping to squeeze in another short workout, primarily dealing with pushups/situps since I have a PT test coming up and NEED to pass with perfect form.

We're getting hit with some snow today, so I hope it doesn't affect my plans for tomorrow which include looking at some more homes and possibly putting in an offer on one and getting in a long overdue gym session!

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Little bit of this & that..

Sometimes I feel really crummy when it comes to "fitness" and my rants and raves about how good it is for you ...because as much as I LOVE the gym, working out, and being healthy... I still succumb to my lazyness and poor snack cravings!! Does that make me a hypocrite?


Anywho...


Today I squeezed in a short workout at home that got me sweating like no other:
40 JJ
15 squats holding a 20lb dumbbell
20 lunges holding a 20lb dumbbell
40 mountain climbers
5 burpees with jumps
50 bicycle crunches
40 second superman (I had to look this one up!)
10 pushups
40 high knees
20 vertical leg crunches
40 sec plank (killer after leg crunches!)
40 mountain climbers
20 squats holding a 20lb dumbbell

The other day I was running short on gym time. By the time I got there and was ready to go, I had 37 minutes to get in a workout. I managed to run a quick 2 miles and speed walk 1.3 miles at 12.0 incline on the treadmill all while burning a good 450 calories or so! It was refreshing to get my run on, its been a while since I have full out ran. I hate winter for that reason, just not a huge fan lately of running on the treadmil, but spring is just around the corner and I can NOT wait...not one little bit! :)

Side note: I went house hunting yesterday for the first time! Let me just say, pictures online do not do any justice. By that I mean, the houses were much worse in person than online! Blah! I may have found one I like, but it is a true fixer upper, as in the entire house needs fixing. Good thing I have John and Nita to help me...their creative minds are probably more excited about a fixer upper than this girl. If you know me, you know fixing/paining/remodeling just aren't my thing! But secretly, I am excited to have my own home that I get to design/decorate etc!


--a creative mess is better than a tidy idelness