I got a letter in the mail and my divorce is final and has been filed. I write this post with an enormous amount of stress relief and a heavy heart full of mixed emotions. It's something that I knew was coming and expected it to be final this month. I didn't realize I would still be emotional and feel like I failed at marriage. I didn't expect any sort of sympathy from the ex, but it is a little heartbreaking how easy this was for him to get divorced. I am perhaps quite bitter towards him and the ease I see upon him. But in reality, I guess I really did take care of the filing and court appearances and making amendments and meeting with an attorney, and on top of all that, stuck with the bill. I think it's only natural to be bitter when it's come to this.
For my own sake, I've had to forgive him and believe that he can be a good person and good father to my children. Forgiving someone is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of strength overcoming something so devastating. My mind is fixed with emotions, and I am at a loss for words to explain how I am feeling at this moment. I thought I was done shedding tears for something that is such a lost cause, but here I am, soaking up the tissues. It can only get better with time, right?
With that, I'd like to spread the word that October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. This is a subject I feel so strongly about. Something I didn't realize occurred as often as it does. As a victim of this myself, I believe it is so important for you to know the signs of emotional and physical abuse. I am not yet ready to share my story. But I will put this out there, when a family member or friend shows concern toward your well being and relationship with your significant other, it's not because they are nosey, it's because they sense there is something wrong. Don't be quick to dismiss their concerns, for it could save your life one day. It is not easy to walk away from a domestic violent relationship but with the strength and support to do so, you will realize your worth and that no one should ever be treated with such disrespect.
Domestic Violence can occur in different ways, I know most people think of physical abuse as the only way of domestic violence, but that is not the case. There is also sexual abuse, emotional abuse, and financial abuse. And the type of abuse can be so subtle you may just brush it off, as I did. Sometimes name calling at the slightest is a form of domestic violence. Simply being called crazy or stupid or ugly is a form of abuse. Don't allow this sort of behavior.
From the National Network to End Domestic Violence:
"People who batter have a need to gain and maintain all of the power and control in the relationship. People who batter come from all walks of life but have common characteristics:
- Emotionally dependent
- Excessively jealous
- Can be very charming and then suddenly angry and violent."
I know of only a handful of other victims who've suffered extreme cases of domestic violence and their strength and courage to get away is what keeps me moving forward.
In Minnesota this year, several girls have gone missing by the hands of their significant others alone. How is this continuing to happen? STOP TURING YOUR HEAD THE OTHER WAY WHEN YOU SEE SIGNS OF ABUSE. It's not normal, and it is your business, especially if it's someone close to you. Don't make excuses for bad behavior or put blame on an innocent victim. As I said, there is a fine line between a minor disagreement and violent abuse. Think about it...Don't ignore this escalating problem. Make a stand and defend those victims instead of blaming them.
Please follow "Liz's Daughter" on Facebook.
"WARNING! This is a Domestic Violence awareness and prevention page. We talk about an issue that affects the community, law enforcement and generations of families. We must work together to create change! BREAK THE SILENCE STOP THE VIOLENCE."