Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Weight Issues

I'm pretty sure I feel like the wOrst mom ever! I took baby Linc in for his 10 day check up...turns out he's lost weight :( he weighed 7 lb 10 oz today. He should have been back up to his birth weight of 8 lb 6 oz.

I questioned how that was possible as I thought I was doing everything right. It appears to be that Linc struggles to have a strong latch (suck) and may not have been getting enough milk. He sure nursed for a long time and has had plenty of wet diapers...but still wasnt enough. Dr also thinks that his congestion may be to blame. He's got a bit of a breathing issue due to still being so congested fron birth. And boy let me tell you, using the nose sucker is not pleasant nor has it been very helpful...

Anyways I'm now to feed Linc every two hours or less to help him gain 4oz by Friday.

Naturally I've blamed myself for this, even though I had no idea. I held back tears all day, trying to remain strong and that I at least look like I got this...

I hope my sweet boy begins to thrive better and puts on weight! I need him to be healthy!

So on this NYE, I'm home with my two favorite little people, and am truly blesses! Be safe my friends! May 2014 be filled with plenty of peace and love!

Monday, December 30, 2013

Nighttime struggles

Well, I've survived Baby Linc's first 10 days..

Tonight was definitely a struggle, I hate not knowing what he wants or needs! I feel like a brand new mom all over again!

I seem to handle the days well, but nights are killing me! Im tired and alone... tonight I cried...and cried! I just wish I felt like I knew what I was doing. The mom of 2 thing isn't easy when you're going at it alone...

I'm sure my hormones are out of sorts as well... maybe it's the baby blues. Either way, I can't afford to be crying or be feeling sad! I have too much going on that I don't need to add that to the mix!

Tomorrow is New Year's Eve! I was invited out by a friend, but I'm going to have to decline. I'm not ready to venture out just yet!

So to all you party goers, have a safe and amazing new years!

Sunday, December 29, 2013

Happy Anniversary...kinda???

So I've been off on my days, I had no idea what day it was until I received a message wishing me, "happy anniversary...kinda!"

And then I realized it's December 29th. Today would have been my 6 year wedding anniversary! I definitely didn't forget the date, but had I not received that message, I wouldn't have gave it a thought...

It got me to thinking about the past year and all that has happened! Its been one hell of a ride, this is for sure! I had full intentions of really trying to make my marriage work, but in the end it simply wasn't meant to be. But today, I was able to look back and remember that there good times and bad, and that it was a part of my life that has brought me to where I am today!

Granted this is not where I expected to be, I couldn't imagine it any other way! Like I said, I had high hopes and plans, but changing them was a must if I was going to survive on my own.

So here's to almost 6 years, may the past make us better and not bitter.

Friday, December 27, 2013

Home Sweet Home

So I've been home with my sweet baby boy since Monday! Can I just say that adjusting to having two kiddos is not easy! Not one little bit! I had help for the first few nights, but now I'm on my own! Scaryyyyy!

And I am definitely being tested tonight! I can't get this boy to sleep for the life of me! I'm hoping its just tonight and tomorrow he's back to his usual... well whatever a usual is for a week old baby!

I'm already so in love with this little guy! He makes me smile for no reason! His sister does the same! That being said, I'm struggling to figure out a routine that includes both if them and one that doesn't cause bri to feel left out. Poor girl has been such a good helper and has had to put her wants aside at times. She seems okay but I do know she hates change! So hopefully I can get this whole single mom of two thing figured out soon! :)

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas!

Enough said.

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

He's here!

Oh baby!

My beautiful baby boy, Lincoln made his appearance on Saturday, December 21, 2013 @12:34! He weighed in at 8.6 lbs and 20.5" long!

He's simply amazing and I immediately fell in love! :)

My labor, however, was not so amazing and lasted too long for my liking! When I started keeping track of contractions, it was 10pm Friday night. They lasted 1min every 3 minutes until baby was born nearly 14 hours later! I had excruciating back labor that was so painful I threw up several times. I figured through the night I'd made progress, but at 6am when I went to the hospital, I was still only 2cm! WTH! So I walked, rolled on the ball, and took a bath...I then progressed to a 7 and DEMANDED an epidural by this time! It was heavenly and completely dulled the back pain!

When I got to 10, dr was ready to have me push. Fue to having no feeling, I pushed for an hour before they turned the epidural down. By then I had feeling and pushed that baby right out! :) He had a rather large head that I definitely struggled with!

So anyways, he made his appearance, his daddy cut his umbilical cord, and all was well with mom and baby!

Monday, December 16, 2013

Sneak preview of our photo sesh...

Friday, December 13, 2013


A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

We're in this together...

Can I just brag and say that I have the most amazing family anyone could ever ask for?

I have a unique bond with my parents and sister, and it couldn't be better. They are truly my inspiration and best friends and have helped me get to where I am today.

The other day I was having one of my usual phone conversatoins with my dad, he typically calls to visit when he's driving, which I love! We were talking about life in general and just how we've all struggled and pulled together as a family.

I was sharing my concern and the feeling of being terrified for raising two kiddos alone, and I will never forget when he said, "We're in this together." That was exactly what I needed to hear, and it couldn't have come at a better time! (With pregnancy emotions, my due date approaching, and 9 months of waiting for reality, I have been slightly overwhelmed)

He assured me that no matter what happens, we (my family) are all in this together! And it's not just regarding my kiddos, but in all the struggles we've been in. We step up to help each other out in any way we can. We listen to each other, spend time together, and come together as a family when no one else steps up.

--> Last night, I made dinner and my parents came over for dinner and helped me get Baby Linc's room finished and put plastic over the windows (sooo cold). I could tell my dad wasn't feeling the greatest, but he was here, and he helped me until it was done. What a trooper! :)

Love your family, my friends!

Monday, December 9, 2013

When is it my turn?

You know, everyone always says life isn't fair. And I know this more than most. Things go right, wrong, and crazy! And you never really know what you're gonna get, like Forest says...

But really, when is it my turn to have things fair and simple? Everything in my life that has been a struggle wasn't chosen, but i took it like a champ and walked away like a boss...

Today, though, I'd like not to struggle. I'd like to have an easy day, a day without worries, a day where everyone is happy, a day where I can just "be" and everything will be alright...When is it my turn for that?

I don't ever yearn for what others have, but we all want certain things out of life, and I'd say it's okay to want things, such as love, happiness, health, etc...right? So perhaps I am just dealing with my pregnancy emotions today...but I want those things too...and could have really used a good companion to come along this journey with me! I'm so busy making sure everyone else taken care of, which is fine, but today, I just want someone to take care of me...

When will it be my turn?

Friday, December 6, 2013

Oh baby it's cold outside!

Oh baby its cold outside! This morning was -5*!! I can't deal...

Had a rough start to my day... woke up late and showed up an hour late to drill...ay yi yi! But I think at 38 weeks prego, no one was overly upset I was late!
Yes, I said 38 weeks prego! Due in just 12 short days! Hoping baby Linc doesn't come until next weekend! May be a bit selfish, but I have a few days off and need to get some rest in before I'm on 24 hr newborn duty...or should I say dooty!

Had a bit of a scare the other day...it snowed ALL day and was slick as hell... I took a dive in the parking lot after work. I landed on my side I think, but then on the car ride home my lower abdomen was on fire! I made it home and to my dr apt... and thank goodness baby seemed fine! Very active with a strong heart beat! Doc checked me out and definitely said he wasn't going to be coming anytime soon! So my bet is on the 15th! Can't wait to meet MY little boy! :)

Side note: every thing else is going wonderful and my Bri is keeping me busy! So excited for all her holiday events coming up! She simply amazes me every day! Love her!

Also want to send a quick shout out to my mom for doing such an amazing job with bri and watching her while I'm away! Love you!

Stay warm all and enjoy your weekend! :)

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Be inspired.

Have you ever felt like you've hit rock bottom? I sure have. I used that feeling to pick my ass back up and move forward! It has been the hardest and most rewarding thing I have ever done. I am 27 with a story. A story I don't mind sharing. Granted I won't share it all right now, I will say that if you asked me where I thought I'd be in my adult life, my current life would not have been the answer. Of course no one can really have a set plan without deviating, but I never saw myself here. My life today has evolved from the events that have come about in the last 9 years after highschool. I had intentions of going to college to play hockey, become a doctor, and have lots of money! Who doesn't want money right? But, life is not about money. It's about enjoying it and making the best of it! So I did, I jumped by the seat of my pants, often times getting myself into trouble or doing things I wouldn't normally do...but that only builds character right?
So needless to say, I never went on to play hockey after high school, I am clearly not a doctor, and I definitely don't have millions! ;) But what I do have is sooo much better! I had to go through trials and tribulations to get where I am, but I was determined....

I believed I could...and I did. I am not yet where I want to be, but I have come so much farther than I once was. I've wanted to blame others for my misfortune, but it's no ones fault but my own. Perhaps I thought I needed someone else to make me happy. I was wrong. Once you are happy with yourself and can truly be content, everything seems at peace and worth while.
I kept my head held high, pushed my shame aside, and trudged forward on this journey I'll call my life. Don't get my wrong, things surely aren't perfect, but they are worth while and I am absolutely content with what I have accomplished while rebuilding my new life.
My story is no better than anyone else's, as we all fight battles no one knows about. But I want to inspire those who've been at rock bottom, those who have felt worthless, and those who are stuck in a funk. I was there. I felt like things would NEVER get better, I felt like I would feel shitty everyday, I felt like I couldn't heal emotionally. I wanted to run away from my problems instead of face them head on.
When I finally did face them, I climbed my ass back up to the top. My story is my own and isn't to be compared to anyone else's. I don't yearn for what other's have. I have worked extremely hard to get where I am and couldn't be prouder. I've done things I never thought I'd have the opportunity to do and did them with confidence. On top of picking myself back up, I trusted my support system (family) to be there for me if I did slip. Having that support system was a driving force to being a better me. And of course, my amazing daughter and soon to be son have driven me to do better for myself and for them. Who knew a child could mean so much to one person, I don't have words to explain how important they are to me. But I want them to know that everything I've done to be better, is from their presence and for their future.
So be inspired my friends. Life is not easy, and it's almost easier to give up and mope, but pick your ass up and go! Your future self with thank you!