Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Putting the pieces back together...

Well folks, it appears I have disappeared again for some time...but I am back. And I have noticed a trend of when I reappear. It's when I need to vent or pour my heart out...so that's what I am here to do tonight.

Tonight marks night 30 or so where I have struggled getting to sleep. I am either beyond exhausted or simply have adjusted to my 4-5 hours of sleep a night routine. Either way, I miss my full 8 hours...come back! I have contributed my sleep-loss to several things...there are the usual things, kids, homework, regular work, daily worries, etc. And then there are other things, such as emotions...all kinds of crazy annoying emotions! It's not all bad by any means, but when your brain space is filled with emotions, it is difficult to focus on the real stuff!

Every now and again, I go through this bout of emotional turmoil...I mean I think it's because at one point, I was really broken. You never really fully recover from such brokenness, but you do learn to put the pieces back together in some way. Now that my pieces are nearly put back together, there are still some cracks. Those cracks are what make me extremely vulnerable. I take things much too personal when I know damn well I shouldn't. I let my guard down for those I know damn well that I shouldn't. I let my mind drift back to the past when I know damn well I shouldn't. So that's where I have been lately...specifically letting my guard down. I want so much to find love and happiness with my partner in crime, but the unfortunate thing is timing. Timing is everything...and right now, is not the time. I am struggling to accept that. But you know....now that I've felt those crummy feelings again, I've come to the conclusion that  I am not ready to take that risk yet. I am not ready to possibly feel heartbroken again...and I think that's okay for now. I mean, I am not giving up by any means, I am just not going to try too hard to put myself back out there for a while.

Well enough of that...aside from the emotional roller coaster going on in my life...everything else is fine and dandy. I am done with school tomorrow so I think I will attempt, key word there is attempt, to get back on here more often!

Side note: I don't know how many readers I have anymore, especially since I am MIA a lot, but I wanted to thank those who do read my blog. I received a comment a few months back that said they liked my blog and that I write from my heart. It made me smile and remember why I share the things that I do. So thanks again!