On the plus side...

...I am getting so much closer to closing on my house! Hopefully the lender has everything they need and I can get the ball rolling!  I did a little browsing at Menards the other day for my future home projects, holy expensive! Wow, I don't know how I am going to afford all the things I want! Looks like one project at a time! But either way, I am so excited to have my own place!! And if I haven't said it enough, I have to thank my parents and my sister for all the help they have and will give towards making this home my own! I couldn't have done it without them! :) Love you guys!!!

P.S. I know my previous blog was extra sad and maybe an over share, but to be honest, it is what it is. I am not ashamed by anything nor do I regret anything, but just like anyone...I wish certain things would have worked out in my favor. But I have risen above when most would have crumbled to the ground. I have become so independent and strong, I kind of surprised myself at times! So no pity parties or anything like that. I am just looking to vent and move forward with my life, which in all reality, is pretty amazing and full of blessings! That is all.

Hope you all had a great weekend!

I'll admit that I'm guilty...

...guilty of punishing people for other's mistakes and for not letting the past go. Last night I got a taste of my own medicine. I was asked an off the wall question. Apparently, someone spread a lie and it was believed for so many years and I wasn't confronted about it until yesterday. UM? How can I even respond when it was something 1. that never happened in the first place and 2. something that someone very close to me believed for so many years? I will admit that I was pretty devastated because it basically meant that this person has thought terrible of me for so long when there was no reason for it. With that, I truly believe my entire marriage and relationship was based on a giant lie. Isn't there supposed to be communication involved? Working together to fix it when it's bent? I mean, how does someone bring something up 6 years later and not expect me to be enraged!?

I have struggled with my divorce/breakup harder than I have probably ever struggled with anything in my life. It's just hard to believe that for so long, I thought things were one way, when in all reality, they were completely different. Sometimes people just aren't who they appear to be.  Is there someone to blame for this? I'd say so...but it takes two to tango. A relationship can't be one sided and be expected to work. It takes so much communication and trust to have a successful relationship, that apparently some people just don't have what it takes. And perhaps I was one of them. I let it fail.

I have a long way to go in the healing process, but already I have come to realize so many things. I can't say never, but I can say that I will not be looking for a significant other any time soon. And at this point, I do NOT want to get married ever again. But IF the time comes, I know 100% that I will look for someone who respects others, is trustworthy, does NOT believe that cheating is okay, someone who isn't afraid to show emotion, and someone who treats my kiddos with the respect they deserve.  I have been discouraged in believing that there are actually good people out there, but I will always give someone a chance to prove me wrong.

Parental Control??

Um? Who let's their 6 year old daughter call her friends just to leave nasty voice mails!!?? I know kids are kids, but seriously, parental control maybe? Then when I call to confront the parents, they can't even answer the phone and discuss the issue? Puke...parenting at it's finest I guess!

I am just livid right now! I know I can't always protect my baby, but when this girl calls MY phone and leaves messages for my child being rude and nasty (at 6 years old mind you) I get upset. Who in their right mind lets their 6 year old run the phone like that? This is not the first time, but it is the first time I attempted to confront the parents. And of course, I got no where.

I know this happens everywhere and kids will be kids, but it sure seems like Litchfield at it's finest! It makes me realize that Bri is going to grow up with these kids! Ugh! Sooo angry right now!

Mean girls at 6 years old? I guess times are changing! :(

Random post...

Just a random post, no real purpose...

Have you seen the movie, "What to expect when you're expecting?" I am the girl who has every pregnancy problem alive. No glow, no feeling wonderful (well, once in a while I guess), just the ew and awkward moments of pregnancy! For those of you who are or have been pregnant, you know what I am talking about!

But hey, it's okay! I am about 17 weeks along so far. Baby2 is doing just fine in there, swimming like a fish or practicing karate like a ninja...whatevs! I will hopefully find out the sex on August 5th at my ultrasound! What do you think? I will be excited for either one, but I have heard a lot of comments that I am carrying a boy! We shall see! I want to know soon so I can start planning a nursery and getting ready! :)

I've been able to log in a few miles outside this week, not too many since it's been humid and I worked almost everyday, but it was better than nothing! Maybe tonight I can squeeze in 2 also! It hasn't gotten too uncomfortable with my growing belly, so I will keep at it until that time arrives!

House update: still working on that. Had a house inspection and found the roof needs immediate repair. No big deal, except the fact that the sellers are being shady about putting forth a dollar amount to help with the repair. I countered their low offer with a higher more realistic offer to help with the roof...still waiting to hear back. I really don't want to walk away at this point but I can't afford a new roof project right now! Not with all the extra added costs I am already dishing out for this home! Blah, good vibes sent this way please!

Oh my Bri started swim lessons this week, she is such a fish! The water is one of her happy places, she has a perma smile during her entire lesson! :) Last night we went to the fireworks in town, she was simply in awe the entire time. She couldn't stop talking about them and the oohs and ahhs! Today we are heading to the parade later this evening and hopefully something else to fill our weekend with tomorrow!

We also have to get ready for our little vaca to Colorado this week! So excited to check out the mountains, my priority is to get to the top of Pikes Peak and hike the Garden of the Gods! :)

Anywho...nothing else to share...time to go clean!

Oh exercise...

...we have a love-hate relationship!

The other night, I stepped out for a slow 2-mile jog...I seriously thought I was going to die and I couldn't figure out why. My body didn't really hurt and my breathing was fine...it finally clicked... fyi I just run down my driveway (which is a 1/2 mile one way)...but when it clicked, I realized that everytime I ran back towards the house, I was running uphill against the insane wind we had that day! And I am pretty sure I was running faster, maybe just to get it over with. On my last time back towards the house (I ran down and back and down and back 2 get 2 miles), the boss, aka my mom, walked out of the house and told me I was done. I was like um no, I am fine...she kindly reminded me that it was also over 90 degrees and "my condition" should be monitored...needless to say I stopped and walked... so it makes sense as to why I felt like dying, 90 degrees uphill against the wind probably isn't the best environment for a prego runner! :p

Last night I squeezed in some squats, pushups, and the mali booty workout. It was nothing super intense but any sort of movement works, right!

Today, I am going to have to workout in the house. It is soooooooo hot outside, like disgustingly unbearable hot and humid! I am taking the kiddos (watching 2 wild little boys today) to the pool for some cool down time and sun! :)

Hope you all had a fab weekend! Don't forget to squeeze in a workout today!

I've got butterflies in my stomach!

I can feel baby2 fluttering around in my belly! :)

It's feeling more and more real as time goes on! Its hard to describe the feeling of a moving baby inside, kind of like a little fish in there, or in my case, a little ninja practicing karate! Just makes me smile and know that everything is doing okay in there! I am currently at 16 weeks 3 days. Baby2 is growing, about 4 1/2 inches from crown to rump (definitely growing...clothes getting tighter and tighter!). Eyes and ears are shifting to where they should be. Baby2 can pee and suck its thumb. Baby2 also sensitive to light!

PS. my kiddo just asked me, ever so nonchalantly, if it was okay for her to just wear her underwear today. um? Whatever floats her boat I suppose...it is 87 degrees and humid, so I'll let it fly!

happy 4th my friends!

Well,  I hope you all have a fabulous holiday weekend! I'm working today but have the rest of the weekend off! I'm hoping to get to the pool and take bri fishing for the first time! Tomorrow I have my house inspection! Hoping it goes smoothly so we can move forward with the buying process! I'm so excited to decorate!!!

My main reason for blogging today is to just vent,  or just talk... get stuff off my mind I suppose! I'm feeling the wrath of pregnancy emotions today. ..BIG TIME!!! It's dead at work and I'm working alone... which gives me too much time to think! Me and over-thinking don't go well together! I've been beating myself over the head trying to figure out why some things just don't work out.  I try to believe that everything happens for a reason,  but sometimes I really wish I knew what that reason was and why!!! Maybe its me? Maybe I'm the reason things don't work out?  It's possible I guess, but I can't be that bad, right? Maybe I'm just too hard on my self when I should learn to ease up? (Ps just felt baby2 flutter!) Either way,  I just need to learn to relax and stop over-thinking!

I'm also Kind of lonely...maybe lots of lonely! It is sad that I don't really have a significant other to share this pregnancy with... and this is a time I really needed that person,  but for some reason,  that's not going to happen. My family has been really supportive and helpful, so I can't complain.  But I'm a big girl now,  can't always expect then to be the ones stepping in when I need help.  Maybe a mom group would help? Or something?  What do lonely people do to become unlonely? Any tips?

Well I don't want to have a pity party so I'll end on a good note, I'm going on vacation in 2 weeks to Colorado! It was such s steal,  1400 for flight and hotel for 4 people!

Again, happy 4th! Thank those who've made this country free! Special shout out to my battle buddies and vets! Thanks to the brave who are still serving to keep our country free!

Ps eat a hot dog today!