Sunday, July 28, 2013

I'll admit that I'm guilty...

...guilty of punishing people for other's mistakes and for not letting the past go. Last night I got a taste of my own medicine. I was asked an off the wall question. Apparently, someone spread a lie and it was believed for so many years and I wasn't confronted about it until yesterday. UM? How can I even respond when it was something 1. that never happened in the first place and 2. something that someone very close to me believed for so many years? I will admit that I was pretty devastated because it basically meant that this person has thought terrible of me for so long when there was no reason for it. With that, I truly believe my entire marriage and relationship was based on a giant lie. Isn't there supposed to be communication involved? Working together to fix it when it's bent? I mean, how does someone bring something up 6 years later and not expect me to be enraged!?

I have struggled with my divorce/breakup harder than I have probably ever struggled with anything in my life. It's just hard to believe that for so long, I thought things were one way, when in all reality, they were completely different. Sometimes people just aren't who they appear to be.  Is there someone to blame for this? I'd say so...but it takes two to tango. A relationship can't be one sided and be expected to work. It takes so much communication and trust to have a successful relationship, that apparently some people just don't have what it takes. And perhaps I was one of them. I let it fail.

I have a long way to go in the healing process, but already I have come to realize so many things. I can't say never, but I can say that I will not be looking for a significant other any time soon. And at this point, I do NOT want to get married ever again. But IF the time comes, I know 100% that I will look for someone who respects others, is trustworthy, does NOT believe that cheating is okay, someone who isn't afraid to show emotion, and someone who treats my kiddos with the respect they deserve.  I have been discouraged in believing that there are actually good people out there, but I will always give someone a chance to prove me wrong.

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