I had an extremely powerful feeling that I needed to go back to Germany like yesterday. I visited with a friend about it and we decided that we were going to retire there...we can dream, right?
Well....I decided to look for a favorite picture from when I lived there. In all honesty, there wasn't a single picture I saw that brought back a happy memory. I was not expecting that reaction...I am saddened that all I feel is an over powering feeling of guilt and resentment. Guilt is because of mistakes I made while young and dumb, and resentment towards an emotional bully that destroyed who I was as a person.
I know they say you shouldn't have regrets because at one time, it was what you wanted...well I think its definitely a possibility to regret those choices, especially when it influences your entire life.
I am totally content with how my life is, but I will admit that I should have been smarter. I should have listened to my gut...and kick myself for only now seeing the ridiculousness I got myself in to. Shizah!
Well regardless of how that chapter in my life ended, it's something I never want to relive and focussing on my future with my littles is all that is important. I've Learned from my mistakes, and will be certain not to make those again.