Do you know what I hate? Feelings...I hate that I have such strong feelings for every damn thing possible! Those feelings range from love to hate and everything in between!

Having such strong emotions makes it very hard to move forward in many aspects.

I also have a lot of compassion towards others, even towards those who don't deserve it one bit. Why do I have compassion though? Because I believe being kind and caring is a key part in life. Though many don't show it to me, I will show it to them. I think that everyone needs to have someone to go to when they are feeling down. People need to know they aren't alone in their struggles. I want to be that person they can come to.

Lastly, my feelings of jealousy have taken their toll on me. Its disheartening knowing that what once was yours is now someone else's and they appear to be happier than they ever were with you. So what am I doing wrong? I really try not to ever compare myself to others, But sometimes it happens and it sucks. It fuels my emotions to over think everything! :(

So bear with the feelings and emotions... eventually they will fade...until then, I'll fake it til I make it.

How did I get so lucky?!

My sweet baby boy is 21 days old! He is seriously the cutest little thing ever! We had some delays with weight but he's gained and is well over 9 lbs! I will thank myself and the tedious feeding schedule I have him on! Oh and I can't forget to thank Bri for helping out with her brother too! :)

So i need to vent...I may complain a lot about doing this alone...but it's true. Every time I struggle with one of the kiddos or something goes wrong, I get really frustrated with how I ended up in this situation. I get even more frustrated knowing that I have no choice but to be a single mom. I have no choice but to Stay home on weekends. I have no choice but to wake up every two hours to feed my baby.

It's frustrating knowing that person who should be in this with me is out having a grand ol' time while I do all the work.

I love my babies more than anything, but sheesh... why do I have to do this alone?

This Year

THIS YEAR

2014

 

A bad habit I'm going to break: overthinking about the past and what shoulda/coulda/woulda been 

A new skill I'd like to learn: personal training and sewing

A person I hope to be more like: I would never want to be like anyone else, but I would like to be a better version of who I am now

A good deed I'm going to do: visit my dear grandmothers more often

A place I'd like to visit: I am hoping to make a trip to Europe, if that fails, then I'd like to take a trip to California or North Carolina--specifically the ocean

A book I'd like to read: Anything true crime that keeps my attention

A letter I'm going to write: I don't write letters, but perhaps I will write one to simply explain why I am the way that I am and why certain behavior from some people is unacceptable. Would I send it? Probably not...but it would get it off my chest!

A new food I'd like to try: I've never had sushi, so maybe I'd try that..along with new Vietnamese foods and maybe work on my healthy recipes!

I'm going to do better at: keeping calm and content. I am going to stop worrying about the things I can not change. I am going to look at my life for what it is, amazing! And I am going to try to do better at forgetting the wrong, hurt, and unfairness of the past years. I am also going to do better at being a mom to my two amazing babies!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happy New Year

Happy New Year to all my loves! May this year bring you lots of peace, love, and happiness!

My first text of the new year was just what I needed to put a smile back on my face...missing you my dear friend!