Life.

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.
-Unknown

I probably could have come up with something very similar to this on my own, but I read this, and it simply says it all. There comes a time in one's life when you begin to see the big picture. As we get older, the importance of some things just don't matter anymore, & appreciating what you have been given in life becomes easier. Everything happens for a reason, a reason in which we may never know why but know that everything will be alright. Smile at the end of the day knowing you did what you could to the best of your ability. Overcoming adversity will, indeed, make you a stronger and happier person.

I have so much I want to say, so much I feel, and so much that I just don't know. Life is the greatest gift I have been given, and learning and know how to make the best of it, really is a challenge! There are days when I just to do what I have to and be done with it. I think back and wish I would have taken more time, enjoyed those small moments, and strived to be something great. I am currently on my way to make my life 100% worthwhile with no regrets! Though we make mistakes, and I have made my fare-share, I am ready to go into the world headstrong, pushing away those fears, and pulling forth the strength and ambition to be ME.

I may not have a lot of friends. I may not be the most liked person. But I do know I am a good person inside and out. Every person who has taken the time to get to know me, be true, support, and care for me, I want you all to know, from the bottom of my heart, how important you are to me. We may not even talk anymore, but if we did once, believe me when I say that you still are a part of my life and who I am today. If we've lost touch, I hope someday to reconnect. Life is short, feuds are pathetic and should be put to rest. Clean slate. Bitterness and jealousy pushed aside. 

As of late, it seems young folks are being called up to the big man. We may never know the reason. Prayers and thoughts to all the grieving family and friends who've lost loved ones. Remind your loved ones you love them. Be nice and smile, even to strangers. Live today to the fullest, because as much as we don't want to believe it could never happen to us, tomorrow isn't a guarentee. Forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love unconditionally. Embrace life and everything you have been blessed with! :)

Keeping my love, Tuan and his unit, in my thoughts and prayers are they are serving our country in the sand land of Afghanistan. Stay safe and come home soon! We love you!  

A Few Snaps

 Dinner at BJ's in Huntington Beach, CA! Best pazookie ever (cookie with icecream)!

Nana, Grandpa, and their one and only! :)

B practicing her boogie-boarding. We rented the board for her to use, but little did we know, she was afraid of the ocean! She dipped her toes in just a few times, but the sand was where it was at for this girl! She spent time burying her dad, dumping sand on his head, building animal shapes, and playing with the fam!

 My dad and I walked out into the ocean! It was freezing! Once we adjusted, we decided to attempt to "withstand" the waves. They were pretty strong, but it was one of those things...waiting for the next one hoping it was bigger than the last! One day we'll get on the boards and do it!

 He's special. Our first family trip in quite a while.   This day was a good day at the beach with the family!

Here we are introducing my parents to Vietnamese food, aka, Pho (rice noodle soup). This restaraunt was the first restaurant T took me back in 2006! I wasn't impressed the first time, but the Pho this time was off the chain! :) Can't wait to go back and eat it again! My dad seemed to enjoy it as well! Nana on the other hand is still afraid to try new things! I don't blame her, it took me years to try some of the stuff I eat now!

We had a great time in Cali with my family! I was glad we all got to spend time together without all the extra stressors in our lives!

We've been busy with school, work, preschool, and all the other extras! Its nice to have a routine and stay busy! Can't wait for December when this girl graduates finally! But...I still don't know what I want to do! So many options, so little time! Hopefully I'll have the answers some day soon!

Hope everyone who reads this is doing well! Have a good weekend~

Another month...

Wow! It is been way to long since I have blogged! Another month has come and gone! Boy oh boy did it fly by! :) I guess it has been a rather exciting past 30 days! We went on vacation, started school again, spent time mending an almost broken relationship, and just simply enjoying the last bits of summer and family time.

Perhaps I am much more emotional or sensitive than other people, but honestly... I am nowhere near perfect and I don't ever plan to be! I make mistakes, have my moments, and try the best I can at everything I do. I do what I can for B and to give her all she needs. But sometimes, I wonder..."what about me?" Once you get married, become a mother, student, employee...you wear more than one hat! But somedays I just want to where MY hat. So tonight, celebrating my birthday (which is tomorrow) will be spent wearing my hat. And last I checked, the birthday girl gets to decide! :)

September is here, another school year has began! I can only hope for a quick semester! B starts preschool again this week, I am excited for her to get back into the groove of school, kids, and learning! :) She is my little beauty and can't believe I am another year older and she is another year smarter, making my day EVERY single day! Love her!

pictures and more updates to come...

not today...

Not in the mood to make an update...i'm working on one...i'll have one up by the time i leave for cali! Hope everyone is having a great weekend!

The Good, The Bad, The...it is what it is

The Good:
Done with summer classes, and let me brag for just a moment...A's in BOTH, yes, BOTH classes (Biology and Chemistry)!!!! Let me just say that chemistry kicked my booty, and without my mom's help, I never would have passed! Thanks mom!!

We leave for Cali next week! I'm excited for a lil mini vaca before school begins again on the 22! Can't wait to hit the beach, eat some good food, and spend some quality time with the fam!

I applied for some workstudy jobs with the school, since I can't get hired anywere without experience, I'll at least get some through workstudy! I applied for 6+ and already have 3 resonses in a day! Wish me luck..err let my hard work pay off!

B and I have gotten to spend a lot more quality time together! She simply makes my day! At times I threaten to send her away to her dad, but at the end of the day, couldn't imagine my life without her at any moment! Our nightly routine just makes my day! No matter what mood I may be in, curling up with her to read a book and sing her songs, is the best feeling I could ever have! She is so sweet and silly, I just wanna hold onto the moments forever!

The Bad:
I applied for a job at the hospital! Got an interview, thought it went really well...didn't get the job! I can't decide if I should be upset that I didn't get it or excited that I have more oportunities elsewhere. I did shed a small tear and was really upset, simply for the moment I found out I didn't get it, means there was someone much better than I was. And I know I was more than qualified for that position. So when do you know what its okay to be upset or when to let it go? I know I am a hard worker, dependable employee, all of the above...when will I get my chance to prove that? But on a better note, possibly, this is only the 2nd interview I have ever had and NOT got the job. So I guess that's a plus? I've had quite a few jobs and/or offered the position after the interview...but this one got me straight in the gut!

The...it is what it is.
With the good and the bad, it is what it is. I really can't do a whole lot to change things and I am learning to deal with things, they are what they are! It's getting better! I am letting go of a lot and holding onto only what is truely important, I think! :)

Anyways, I hope everyone has enjoyed their summer!

Sometimes all we need is love and support...

Just wanted to share an e-mail I received the other day from my one and only sister, M. I've been struggling the last few days with these crazy emotions I wrote about earlier due to my dramatic life change...she's my "go-to" girl in EVERY and ANY situation I need to vent or chat about. And I hope she knows I am always here for her too! But anyways, she always has the right thing to say and knows exactly how to snap me outta the moment and realize I have been truely blessed with some pretty amazing people and life!

Here it is:

"nobody can go back and start a new begining, but anyone can start today and make a new ending"

-you can make your own out come big sister, what has been done to you is not fair, but you can still gain what you want from life.

"good judgment comes from experiance. Experience come from bad judgment"

-so so so true, if we fall we have to get back up, the difference between successful and non-successful people is they got up the last time they fell down

"whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it"

- i know its hard to deal with what has been handed to you, but take it and make it yours, you can concur the world big sister.

i love you and remember you do not have to be sad, you can take those moments of frustration and sadness and make them moments that make you the better and in the long run happier person.

Kiss from me to you

This girl should be a motivational speaker! Seriously!

On another good note, I got an unexpected phone call from my love back in Germany! Q, aka cousin, called! Her and I worked together and just happen to get along outside of work! We had a little moment in there where we "feel out of touch" but did rekindle(its late and can't think of another word!) our friendship! And I am so glad she did...she has such a great outlook on life, always busy, on the go, and from my eyes, simply happy! :) She too always knows what to say, especially for being so young, as is M. Sometimes I think I should be the one giving them these lovely words of wisdom, however, I have been blessed with theirs! :)

So to the both of you, thanks for everything! And to all those others who've been there, supported for me, prayed for me, anything...thanks to you as well! :)

The pictures above are of M and I eating maccaroons from France and the other of Q and I during my last visit to Germany!

Summer Bliss

 two peas in a pod :)

(nana nita is the best nana. ever.)

 my little winners :)

 .love.

 kiss this bachelorette goodbye!

my. best. friend

(btw...this girl can hold her own in a go-kart race!)

Girl with issues!

I am pretty sure this girl, me, has issues!! All sorts of issues, the good, the bad, and the ugly...and I am pretty sure we all have them, some of us just don't like to admit it (myself included). I think I recently came to face that fact that I am a BIG talker and a LITTLE walker, meaning I can talk the talk but sometimes I simply don't walk the walk.

That. Must. Change. Now. Period. Simply for the fact that I have to take care of my family and I just want to be the best I can be! Like they Army used to say, "Be all that you can be!" Corny. I know.

I am probably going to need all the help I can possibly get. Because at times it seems impossible to change who I am, I absolutely know it is POSSIBLE! Where do I begin? Well I guess I have already attempted, as in I began school, sorta got a job, and am potentially planning for the future. And just to clarify, I am not changing "who" I am..simply tweaking the "issues" I am not happy with!

I like to talk about doing things for a long time before I ever actually do it, things such as: running a race, making a quilt, redecorating my room, losing weight, quit drinking, staying happy, unpacking the rest of my boxes, joining the military...etc...You get the idea! I talk...a lot. And now it is time that I back that talk up with accomplishments and simply doing what I say.

Walking the walk...I'm making the quilt i've been talking about for months!! When I came back home, my mom told me to go through my old things from HS. Well, like most of us, we accumulate tshirts from sports, prom, activities, and events throughout the years! I have well over 25 that I just don't or won't wear..so why not put them into a tshirt quilt! I've already got them laid out in the way I want them to look...Step one already complete! Go me!

Random sidenote: so today, is day one without FACEBOOK! Who does that right? Well, I have noticed it simply consumed my much needed time to spend doing homework. The Newsfeed was just much more interesting than chemistry! So I am taking an FB break! Wish me luck!

4 years ago..

I gave birth to the most amazing little girl ever! B turned 4 on the 24th of June! I honestly can not believe it has been 4 years! She has grown and changed so much! Her little personality is really starting to shine! Her knowledge, her skills, her presence is just unbelievably amazing! Who knew that in just 4 short years, a tiny little human being can go from 8 lbs. 21" knowing not much more than how to eat, pee, poop, and cry all the way to 35 Lbs and well over 3ft tall with a mouth full of words, self-care, hygeine, how to write, and a wild imaginitation! It just blows my mind!

At 4 years old, B has been to more places than most people have been in the adult life! She's been a travelin little bug! She's been to California multiple times, Texas, Arizona, Germany, Netherlands, numerous layovers in Detroit, South Carolina, Las Vegas, etc. And if you wanna get specific, she was "Made in Korea"! I hope to take her many more places and be sure she knows there is more out there than small town Minnesota!

She began preschool at age 2! She learned to write her name at early age 3! She can count in Enlish, Spanish, German, andVietnamese. She is bilingual in English and Vietnamese! I also hope to have the Vietnamese culture be a part of her life as well! I want her to be as diverse as possible! I want her to experience all that she can! She deserves nothing but the best!

B has affected so many people's lives! Friends and aquantences who've met her just one time, to this day, ask how she is doing! She's got that personality that just sparks! She will do great things! :) She's grown into this little person thanks to all of the amazing people she has in her life! To name a few, her daddy, nana, grandpa, aunt m, mommy, noy, cousins, friends, teachers, etc!

Happy Birthday B! We love you and can't wait to watch you continue to grow and learn and amaze us all! :)

Happy Father's Day!

 I hope all of the wonderful fathers out there had a great day! My dad spent the entire day on the couch! I'd like to say it was him relaxing (but we all know that's just not my dad). The poor guy was sick ALL day! So aside from him being sick, I am glad he did get to stay home and sleep! Not many men are as amazing as my dad. And I am not saying that just because he is my dad, but because you don't find men like him very often! He will ALWAYS put everyone else first! He will bend over backwards to help just about anyone, no matter what it is!

B and I made our move back home with him and my mom. He agreed to help me re-do the few rooms her and I have. I'll just letyou know that he didn't rest until they were nearly finished! :) Our rooms look fantastic and it means so much more because he did it himself (with a bit of help from nana and I) and he did it for us. He wanted to be sure we were comfortable and had our own little space! He was pretty enthusiastic about getting B's room done! Of course EVERY little girl wants a PINK room! Grampy and her picked out the color "cotton candy swirl". And if you know my dad, the color, according to him, was "cotton candy SQUIREL!" :)

My dad has been there from day one! He's helped me get through challenges in my life, always stood by me and my choices, and rarely passes judgement! He has done everything in his power to make sure my mom, my sister, and I were always taken care of! His ways of teaching us life's lessons are what has gotten us this far in life. He's taught us right from wrong, the good from the bad, and that compasion and empathy are a must. I will admit that we can all be a pain in the ass to eachother, but he has always forgiven us for our mistakes and those days where we're having a "moment." He's made sure we know that we can always come home and they him and my mom will always be there for us.

I love my dad more than words could ever explain! He truely is great in every way, shape, and form! Little Mr. Funny guy can always make us laugh, simply by laughing so hard himself while trying to tell a funny story! :) He can definitely be a work-a-holic and make us women worrrrry to no end, but at the end of the day, he's ours and we couldn't ask for more! I could go on and on!! We love you man!

Also want to wish T, B's dad, a happy father's day too! Unfortunately he is training this month and she wasn't able to spend the day with him! He's been such a great dad to her and always makes sure she is taken care of! He has done a great job with her and I hope soon him and B can spend some quality time together! I know she definitely misses her daddy!

Short and Sweet

Yep, back to reality. The real reality, work, school, mommyhood, and family (I left out exercise, as I haven't squeezed that in for a while)! Started school this week, as well as work this past weekend. What am I thinking, trying to take a Biology AND Chemistry class in a Summer session? Well, I can do it! Believe me, I WILL do it! So far, I really am enjoying them both! I also took Nutrion, but I am debating about dropping it. It's a 2 credit class, but honestly, I have done more work for that class than the other two combined, and they are each 4 credits! Grrr!

On a good, or should I say GREAT, note, sister is here visiting! It's nice having her home, she brought the boyfriend home too. I like him, he fits right into our family humor, and he can definitely hold his own! :) Hope to spend a few more days with sister before she goes back to reality! We went go-karting with all the family today! I'll post pictures soon!

B is doing wonderful! She's growing like a weed! Had to buy her new flippies the other day, her heals were hangin off the back of her old ones! If you have kiddos who where flip flops, OLD NAVY is the place to go! 2 pr for $5! Can't beat that these days!

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Back to reality...

Shortly after Mother's day, I went on a little vacation to my favorite place, Germany! I went there with the intention of having a good time, forgetting my responsibilities for a few days, and spending time with my favorites. Well, I did accomplish what I had intended, and so much more than expected. I believe I came home with a new outlook on life, or at least I hope that's what I did. It was short, bitter, and sweet. I needed that time away to figure out what I really needed in this moment of my life. And I believe I am now ready to move on from the negatives in my life. I found simple joy in the things I once loved, I can't believe how I missed that feeling so much! I always knew I had people who truely cared for me and had my back, but this trip just further proved that I do have an affect on people, in a GOOD way! :) I couldn't have been more thankful to the boys who let me crash at the "orphanage"...and it was definitely a good, relaxing, drama-free time!

Below are a few friends that are still in Germany! Enjoying our glamorous dinner at none other than the famous CHILI's! I secretly miss working there!

At the beggining of my trip, I may have burned a bridge or two...or possibly crossed one I had been hesitant to cross. I can't decide which one it is yet. Well either way, whatever happened in the past, happened. There isn't much more I can do about it, but be sorry and move forward from here, which is exactly what I am going to do! And I believe those 6 days away helped give me the piece of mind and the courage to fully move forward without looking back. I think I am ready, I know I am ready. And for my B, she needs a strong and happy mommy! A mommy who puts B first no matter what!

Below is a picture of B and her class the last day of CJ. They got to make and launch little rockets! :) Too cute when they tried couting backwards from 10!

Getting back to the grind...what little grind I have really had the past few months! I will admit it has been extremely nice not working, sleeping in, doing a lot of nothing, and spending some quality time with my B. But the time has come where I definitely need to and am ready to start a legit routine. SCHOOL STARTS ON MONDAY! I am more than excited! The only downfall to that is that my amazing sister will be here this weekend for 2 weeks! I'll be studying and cramming in time with the fam! Wish me luck! Write more soon!

Happy Mother's Day!

Yes, I am almost a week late posting, but it's better late than never! :)

Just wanted to dedicate a post to my mom, D! The most amazing woman I know! As any mother-daughter relationship, we have our ups and downs, but at the end of the day, I know she only has my best interest at heart, as I only have hers as well. Ask anyone and they will tell you, my mom is the hardest working, most giving, and reliable woman we know! She'll bend over backwards just to help somone in need! She takes care of her granddaughter, no questions asked! Even if she doesn't really want to do something, she will anyways! She takes responsibility, delegates, and leads to the best of her ability! My mom is the prom coordinator at her school, prom would never turn out as awesome asit does without her! She has vision, she can see things put together, to make a scene, and go with it! This year is going to be great! :) (As she coerced me into being her date this year!)

My mom, as a nana, is the best nana out there! B loves her more than mommy sometimes! They have such a special bond, it makes me tear up just thinking about it! Nana treats B like a princess! B looks up to nana for everything, they do everything together. If she has the choice to go with nana or mommy, nana is first pick everytime! Nanny (her new slang name) plays with B, and she comes up with the neatest ideas for new ways to play! Nanny and B's imagination together is through the sky! They are pretty amazing!

My mom helps me with anything I need help with! It is hard going to her for advice, as we have different ways of thinking, but when I do get her advise, I take it all into consideration! She wouldn't give me advice if she didn't think it would work! She's been there for me since I can remember! I want to thank her for being the best mother and nana anyone could ever ask for! I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for her! :) She's my rock and I love her so much! Thank you, Mom!

And a shout-out to all the wonderful mother's I have known or come to know! You are all amazing, our babies wouldn't be here without us! Give yourself a day to relax, have you time, and remember that you mean the world to your kids! (yes, even the days they say "i hate you", throw their uneaten oreos under the couch, color on the walls..in permanent marker, get intoxicated for the first time, or any of those other things kids do to torute their moms!) They love us and we love them more than words can explain! So those who didn't, go show your mother how much she means to you, without her, you wouldn't be here! I love you, mom!

0130 am...can't sleep

So I am beyond exhausted. I get roughly 4-6 hours of sleep a night, and would greatly appreciate if I could get more. I honestly can't remember the last time I slept in a bed, I need the tv to put me to sleep. Well, I attempted to sleep in my actual bed tonight. It was a disaster. I tossed and turned for more than an hour. Most people can hit the pillow and the ZzZz's start rolling, NOT for this girl. It seems that my mind is racing ONLY while in bed trying to sleep. Every thought, wonder, memory, worry, etc. crosses through my mind, keeping me awake! Soon, I'll crash! :( And I hate thinking about things, especially things I have no control over, such as the past. Grr...hate the past these days!

On a good note, I have gotten to catch up on a lot of tv shows I've missed out on the last 3 years while living in Germany! Law & Order: SVU, Criminal Minds, Sex & the City, How do I look, etc. pretty much anything that catches my attention, anythingon NatGeo or the Trav channel...they've got me hooked! Oh and I can't forget Phineas & Ferb time with B (That's about the only cartoon I can handle watching!).

So perhaps tomorrow night I'll get some legit ZzZz's in at a decent time! No more of this 2am BS! :p Hope everyone else is sleeping away!

Ignore

...quite possibly the worst word and feeling many people deal with. Why do people do it and have no remorse for how they've made a loved one feel? Why do we love the ones who ignore us, and ignore the ones who love us? It is beyond me, people's thoughts and actions amaze me sometimes!

"If you ignore me, I will ignore you. If you don't start the converstation, we won't talk. If you don't put in the effort, why should I?"

It's the rubber band effect...google it!

I Hate Love

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

--neil gaiman

Happy Easter!

 B and I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter! This was our first holiday home in a few years! It was such a perfect day for family and fun! Above is B in her Easter outfit. Below is the "Crack Easter Egg Hunting Team 2011" We had an egg hung for the lil ones! Even the adults had a hard time finding all the eggs! :) Thanks everyone for coming and making the day so wonderful! We had delicious food and great company! Wish Molly could have been home as well! :)

why so sorry?

what on earth does it mean when i am constantly appologizing for everything? i dont deliberately do bad/mean things that one would typically appologize for..so why do i say sorry so often? i have noticed that in the past few months, i am saying sorry to someone in my life almost daily! who does that? i find myself saying sorry for sleeping in, for wanting to hang out with friends, for leaving a dirty towel on the floor, for forgetting to text someone back, for being myself, etc. and when i think about it, i really shouldnt say sorry hardly at all. not that i dont feel bad, but because i didnt actually doo anything that needed an appology. perhaps it has alot to do with my distraught marriage, low self esteem, or the recent changes and challenges i have had to deal with. sometimes i would just not to care or worry so much about every little thing! next change-building self-esteem! wish me luck! errr my hard work will lead to luck!

Wedgie(s)

Me- "Stop touching your butt!"

Bri- "But I have a wedgie."

Me: "Are you sure?"

Bri- "Yea, I have wedgies all the time.." As if it's no big deal :)

My toddler and the things she knows and comes up with! Love her to pieces!

Germany??

Get ready, cuz this girl just booked her tickets for a vaca in May!! Can't wait to be reunited with my bestie and spend a week having drinks, traveling, and spending time with some lovely people! Sooo excited!

It's NBA Playoff time!!

Wishing the Lakers some luck during the 2011 NBA Playoffs!! They didn't start out so well, lost first game against New Orleans...but they'll get them next time around! I got the opportunity to go to a Lakers game when I was in Cali in March! Can I say "amazing!" It was soo much fun! Seats kinda sucked, but it was quite intense! And I got to see my star player, Lamar Odom! :) Super good ball player! Miss Khloe is one lucky girL!

Speaking of Khloe, her and Lamar have their own reality show on E! You know for sure I had to watch it! Their relationship may possibly be a bit scripted for the show, but either way, I want what they have! They are too cute together, and Lamar is quite the sweetheart! :) Lovee Khloe too! Her style is unique and her entrepenour-ish ways make her stand out even more! Can't wait for the rest of the season!

renovation...

As I am making a change to my life, I felt it was needed to change my living space as well! Since I had to move back with the P's for a while, I asked them if we could re-do the upstairs to make it a space for B and I. Well, we started, almost finished with the first room, 2 more to go! And so far, it's looking great! Pictures soon to come!

Everything is slowly falling into place for B and I! I can honestly say that I am getting my happiness back! :) It's a wonderful feeling!

Once I get my computer set up, I'll have more time to write about my normal..err non-normal life! Hope everyone is well!

What to do??

So a while back, like 2010 sometime, I wrote about what I wanted to be when I grow up (something along those lines). Well, I am still undecided, but am moving in some direction that seems to fit! I had mentioned my interest in cosmetology, I applied at the Aveda Institute and got in. Well, we all know I have a 3 year old, with hair down to the middle of her back, that has to be maintained! The more I did her hair, or attempted, the more pain I got in my hands! So that kind of put an end to Aveda. Maybe I'll take a make-up class instead! :) I also mentioned getting back into the military. I had an amazing converstation with a SGT from the AirForce Reserve. That's my next step, go through the initial process to get into the AF reserve! :) It's much more promising than the Army Reserve which had been my first intention! It's strange how I got a hold of the AF recruiter...I googled "mn national guard recruiter" and found a phone number. Well it turns out that phone number was for the AF Reserve Recruiting instead, someone was looking out for me today! :) And my last dream job was dental hygiene, still is! But I am having difficulty getting into the one class I need before I can take any other prereq's..so I am goin to finish my AAS  in Health Administration while trying to take those prereq's so I can apply for the dental program in January! (If my AF job is in the dental field, then I will no longer need to apply for the dental program) So everything is in the works, but on the right track!

B started school this week, she loved it! Another day tomorrow! :) She's excited! The weather is finally getting nice here in MN! We can be outside with out freezing our toes off. I've finally gotten a chance to excercise outside as well! Maybe a nice run tomorrow will be good while B is at school! Everything else is coming along, slowly but surely! My household goods will be here Monday!!!!! And my car should be ready by next week too! ROAD TRIP to St. Louis anyone??

Welcome back, Spring! Glad you could FINALLY grace us with your presence! <3

The hardest job in the world...

...is being a mother. It gets even harder when one becomes a single mother.

Prior to getting married, I played the single mother part for a short 6 months. For some reason, it wasn't near as hard as it is now. At that time, I was in the military, going to school, and working full time. You would think that would be harder! But it turns out, that this time around, it is much harder and doesn't appear to get any easier in the near future! Why does it seem so hard right now? B and I are still getting into a routine with our new life back in Minnesota. She is acting out due to a major change in her life. Living with 2 grandparents whom absolutely adore her, doesn't make it much easier! They are probably the best Nana and Grandpa any little kiddo could ask for! So when she misbehaves, who is left to be the bad guy? Yup, you guessed it, this mom right here! She has no problem stomping her feet, raising her voice, or throwing her toys when mom says "NO." When you're the boss (single mom), it can be hard to reign in that little monster!  Love her more than words could express, but daaaaang, this little girl will fight and fight until the bitter end! Everyday it is just her and I, she depends soley on me to care for her! And believe me, many days it can be quite overwhelming! I guess this is where I find the book, "single parenting for dummies." I need some insight on this, ASAP!

Tomorrow is a better day! Let's hope we can have a productive one, leaving all the hard stuff for another day. They always say, "what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger," I think I am strong enough for a while a few days! Maybe next week I'll be ready to take on some more! :p

It could always be harder. My favorite favorite girl, JB, whom I met in Germany, is a single mom to 4, yes, 4 amazing kids! She definitely struggles with the same as I do, plus 300 times more! She truely is an amazing single mom, who does absolutely everything for those kids! I can only imagine what it would be like! She is a strong woman, who deserves nothing but the best! :) Miss you! Keep being the best mother to those kids, they adore you!

Starting over is NEVER as easy as it seems...j

when i was still in germany, i knew i had to start over. i dreaded the very thought of finding a new job, searching for childcare or preschool, and fitting in back where i never wanted to end up, my hometown. i cant really believe how much of a struggle this has been for me. i am getting back on my feet but it is just so much harder and unfair than i could have expected. even though i know its all temporary, its so frustrating.

i am starting school this summer, planning to get a second job, and hopefully take a few trips here n there. i am doing my best to stay positive and at least appear to be happy. but in all honesty, why would i want to appear happy when i actually should n can be truely happy...or content. so today is the day i will make that change. forget those who dont matter, cherish the ones who do, and live for my baby and myself. i was just going to write wish me luck, but i listened to a speaker who said that luck simply comes from hard work. the harder you work, the more luck you will recieve. so thats what i will do,work hard at all i do. im ready to take my life and make it thebest possible life i can

Things could always be worse...

Guess I will continue to tell myself this daily. As I may sit here in my loneliness and/or saddness, I must always remember that it could be worse. I have so many amazing things and people in my life. It may be difficult right now, but again, could be worse.

Today there was a shooting at Frankfurt Airport, 2 American soldiers/airmen were killed. They worked where I used to live in Germany. My thoughts and prayers go out to their families, friends, and units. It breaks my heart to hear news like this. :(

I watched the 10 o'clock news tonight, and watched a story about a young girl with brain cancer. She lives life everyday to it's fullest and has nothing but a smile on her face daily.

Natural disasters continue to rip through countries causing fatalities, tragedy, and extreme loss.

So as I, or others, complain about our lives, we must always remember that things could always be worse.

I am blessed for everything I have been given in my life, good or bad. They have or will define who I am as a person. Only good things can be wished for! :)

Anything or Everything...

but normal???

Well, I have been  back in Minnesota for two full weeks. I spent the first entire week on the couch, sick as ever. I later found out it was strep; it completely took over my already weak immune system. I am still trying to recover, and it seems to be taking extra long. I still don't have my voice all the way back and sinus headaches are killing me! Ugh! Someone please wish me well! :) I could really use the good health!

Aside from being sick, B and I have slowly been adjusting to life in Minnesota. Let me just say, I want to move back to Europe and stay away from the snow! However, I absolutely enjoy the sun that MN gets daily! I already went in the ditch, and seriously, driving on snowy roads makes me 100 times more nervous than it ever used to! :p Welcome to Minnesota Winter Season! Ugh, not a fan.

I've spent most of my time at home, catching up on tv, applying for school, "talking" about getting a job, and finding B a preschool. This week shall be dedicated to finding a job and getting B into school. Well, maybe i'll find a job...

I have also experienced some frustrations coming back... Everyone has continued on with their life. It's hard to just jump back into everyone's lives, whose I used to be a part of. Almost as if we were forgotten, that's hard. They have all moved on, made new friends, gotten jobs, married, had kids, and other sorts like that. Starting new is never easy! Hopefully I'll have another chance with all those people whom I used to be so close with...all I can do is try, right? Family hasn't let me down yet, they have been so wonderful and I have enjoyed every moment I get to spend with them! Parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandmas...I have some pretty awesome grandmas! :)

And as for now, just going to take it day by day. And continue to move forward...once I get back from Cali! Can't wait to spend a week in the warm weather!

Playful moments :)

 My baby B and her friend M. Playing together one last time before we left Germany! We will miss the Browns!

 B and her cousins, Bud and Dude! We took the kids to Space Aliens, played some games, ate some yummy dinner, and went to see the movie "Tangled." If you haven't seen it, you must! So adorable!

 IT'S SOOO FLUFFFFFFYYY!!! My B and her unicorn! Being silly at Nana's house!

My newfound loves in Germany and a Marlin's Baseball player! My last Corona night in Germany! I'll miss it and all the amazing people who made those nights so memorable, or not so much! :)

We're back!

B and I made it safely back to Minnesota! We've been home for a week now! Slowly getting adjusted. It's going to take quite a while! I will be back later with a real update. I am getting and/or recovering from some major illness that is kicking my booty! Went to the dr twice, no real answers, possibly mono?? That would not be cool. But I am goin to keep resting and fighting this off so I can get back on my feet! Be back in a few days...or weeks! :p

It's getting to be that time...

We are slowly making our way back to the states! :) The movers are here, packing up the few household items we have acquired the past few years! Let me just say, I have toooo much stuff! This was a good opportunity to downsize! So once they leave, my stuff will be on its way to MN! Yay!

My sister left yesterday, such a sad day! She left and I am sick as can be! B has been/still is sick for over a week now! Ear infection in both years, slightly obstructed airways, and a possibility of asthma?! How does that happen? But I believe she is slowly getting better...as I am getting worse! Such a terrible time to be sick! Back to sister's visit, we had an enjoyable time together! Just what I needed before I left Europe! We tried to travel a bit, but with B being sick, it was a bit of a struggle! We did make it France a few times and to a few areas in Germany! As long as she enjoyed it, I feel okay about not going over the top! :)

My last week in Europe, no plans! Just going to work my last day at Chili's, pack all my suitcases, and rest! B and T will have a few days together, since we won't see him until after March! So this momma is finally going to catch up on her sleep and say goodbye to some amazing people I met over here! Definitely going to miss some folks! :p

Not much else to update at the moment. Photos later, had to get a new camera! I have a bad habit of losing phones and dropping cameras :( It's damaging my bank account for sure! Anyways, hope everyone has a great week!

Serenity...

One of those days to say a little prayer,

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Acceptance and moving on has probably been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with in my recent life changing situation. Who knew the simple act of "dealing" with life could be so dang frustrating! Blah! Slowly, but surely, I will be back to my normal self and content once again. Until then, it's just one day at a time!

SISTER is here!!!!!!!!

My amazing sister stepped off the plane into Germany last Tuesday! Can't believe she has been here a week already! We haven't done anything too exciting, but have been able to spend some time together! I love this girl, and she knows just what to say! I sometimes forget that I am the older sister, she takes care of me so much more than I have ever taken care of her! She is truely wonderful! :) Lovee her!

We went to France the other day, to the Alsace region. Beautiful. We went to see a potter, explore a tiny village, and taste some french wine! It was a perfect day, even with the chilly air! The best part for me, was sitting in a small french cafe, the waitress knew no english! It was just a neat experience, being able to use bits of french to order our food and listen to the locals chatting away, not knowing waht they were saying!

Our next adventure, shopping in Ktown, a night out at one of the German clubs, and Paris this weekend! We also have a trip to London in the works, as well as Munich/Dachau. I need to show this girl around so she leaves with some great memories! She has been just what I needed right now!

On a different note, still don't know when I am coming back to MN, Hoping for the 2nd week in February, but may be a bit longer! Military is kickin my butt right now! Ah!

How could I forget the most important subjct of all my blogs, Miss B! Busy as ever, entertaining like no other! :) She is absolutely in love with Molly! She has someone to play with now! When Molly arrived, I brought her to B's school to pick herup! The suprise on B's face was priceless! :)

Pictures to come soon!

Asking for too much?

Is it possible to ask for too much? Or expect too much? And how do we know what is "too much" to be expected? I guess I have always been one to give, give, and give some more, and never really expect much in return. BUT the time seems to have come, where I am definitely tired of giving so much and getting nothing in return. So I have asked for help from others more than I ever have before, hoping to get a bit of help in return. Yet, it just doesn't seem to work in my favor. Since when did people stop helping out others, simply out of the kindness of their heart? Yes, sounds corny, but really?

Are we all so absorbed into our own lives and selfishness that we completely forget about others? Absolutely. I am guilty of that, for sure. But being aware of this, makes a world of a difference. I guess I really don't have a point to make, but just an annoyance currently on my mind.

ON A GOOOD NOTE:
My sister will be here in 2, yes 2, days! Haven't seen here since June! Lovee this girl more than most, can not wait to have her here! :)

Congrats to all those expecting little ones! So exciting! Miss Kayla will be having a little one soon and Tricia recently found out she was having a little one as well, so excited for you both! :)

Saving the fish...

So little miss B and I were walking down the frozen food section at the commissary today. I was walking a bit ahead of her and I turned, noticing she had stopped walking. I asked her what she was doing, she turns to me with the saddest little look on her face. She looks at me and says "mommy, look at these fish, what are they doing in there?" I didn't really say anything before she said to me, "Mommy, we need to save them! We need to throw them back in the pool!" :)
Photo taken from http://www.austrong.com/Frozen-Food.html.

If this doesn't make you smile...

then something is definitely wrong. My little photographer at her finest! :)

Happy New Year!

I've been missing in action for the past month or so, my appologies! I hope everyone had an amazing holiday season this year! Christmas and the New Year have come and gone! And when I looked at the calender a bit ago, I realized that I have less than 2 months left in Germany! I will definitely miss it, but am so ready to go back to Minnesota and get on with things! Miss B has been busier and energetic, more then ever lately! She got some awesome new toys for Christmas and got to spend a week with her daddy home. They had some quality bonding time while mom spent time sleeeeeping! It was much needed!

Anyways, let's hope 2011 brings many more memories for all!