Actions speak louder than words...

Actions speak louder than words. Some people will never understand the meaNing of this. Ever. Saying one thing and doing one thing are so different.
It's hard dealing with these types of people. I'll admit that I've been guilty of it as well. However, I've made a conscious effort not to contradict myself.

I feel like I know too many people close to me who behave like this. Is it so hard to do what you say? One thing I hate the most is when someone says, "if you need anything, let me know. " that is the biggest lie I've heard lately. When I seek help or support or just a friend... I'm forgotten or ignored. Don't pretend to be there for someone when you truly won't be. Its misleading and hurtful. Hurtful especially when you see someone else getting royal treatment from said person who offered.

It makes me second guess everything people say. Why is it so hard to just be kind for no other reason than to be kind? I know it sounds whiney, but how wrong am I?

When it happens to me, I vent, and move on. When it happens to my kiddo, it's an entirely different story. When you do a child wrong, it's harder to be forgiven. Don't make promises or get their hopes up if you're only going to let them down. A child deserves nothing but happiness and good intentions.

That is all

Walks

One of my favorite times during my workday is when I get my walks. I get to soak in some fresh air and just breathe. I don't walk too fast anymore but its one of my stress relievers!

Since Sunday, I've been fairly stressed. Some due to work (my last post), some due to my health, and some just dealing with daily life.

I had to go to the Dr the other day. Hadn't felt baby2 move hardly at all and I had like an everlasting braxton hicks contraction for over a day almost. I had an ultrasound which appeared to be normal. Baby was noted to already have a head full of hair! Anyways, I ended up having an infection and was given an antibiotic. So hopefully that will help and keep me out of the dr for a while. Also my placenta moved up enough so that's a good sign too. And on top of all that, they have me a shot in my ass (rhogam due to me being O- and my baby may be + so it keeps my body from creating antibodies against his blood).

But today I am feeling well. Still having braxton hicks ALL the time which is normal. I am about 28 weeks! It has gone quick and I can only imagine how fast the next 12 weeks are going to go!

I'm hardly ready for this little guy! I found a newborn checklist of things I'll need... shiza! I forgot what it was like preparing for a baby! Yikes! And expensive! But secretly I'm excited to go baby shopping and find cute stuff! Right now the main things I'm hunting for are a carseat and pack N play with the newborn napper piece. There are obviously more things I need but those are two very important things!
This post took me nearly 2 days to finish writing, can you say busy with interruptions? Sheesh! But I wouldn't have it any other way... we all know my downtime causes me to overthink everything!

Hope you all had a fabulous week! :)

Uncontrollable...

I Don't really have any words to describe how I'm feeling today.

I worked 3 long 12 hour shifts this weekend... I'm so burnt out. A few things I noticed, 1- I saw way too many sick, injured, and mentally unstable people in these 3 days, 2- it breaks my heart that at times, there is nothing I can do to help some of these people, 3- every day I leave here, I am so very thankful that my family is healthy, 4- the world can be a terrifying place, keep an eye out for you family and friends, take care of each other and be supportive in times of need.

With my 12 hour shifts, I have a lot of time to think and wonder...I should say worry... about anything and everything. I think I'm just feeling overwhelmed with my work as well as my personal life. So much going on and so much out of my hands. I'm ready to cry...I'm not a total control freak, but I feel like I have no control over the outside world and the things that go on out there. Literally breaks my heart.

Aside from that, the things I can control are just fine. Just keep moving forward and doing my thing!

Healing

Just wanted to share this and how true it is. We have the ability to choose the better path in life. We all have our dark days or moments, just remember that it won't be dark forever! Look for the brighter days and moments and choose to embrace them!

I need some clarity in my life...

Today was an odd day. It was my first day off where I had NOTHING planned. It was awkward and I didn't like it, not one little bit. I had too much time to think and dwell. I even took a nap until noon after I dropped Bri off at school. NOT COOL!

With my day off, it was literally filled with anxiety and over thinking everything! I also had to print out some pictures for a project photo book for Briahna's class. I went through all of my photos online and on my computer to find some good ones for her to use, needless to say, it was an emotional trip down memory lane. Some of those photos I hadn't looked at since I moved back to MN in 2011.

There were some really great memories from my times in California and Germany. But they also were a sad reminder that those are simply distant memories which at this moment hold no value anymore. I don't look at them and remember the good times, I only remember how terrible things have ended. I am obviously not fully healed...

It breaks my heart for my kiddos, too. I try to keep photos of Briahna and her dad and his family around for her sake. But boy are they hard to look at. I truly hope that in the future I can see the good memories again and remember the good times. Until then, I'll keep holding on to that hope.

Any advice for this girl would be greatly appreciated! I don't personally know many people who have dealt with divorce or emotional breakups (lucky for the people I do know who haven't experienced it).

Today was the day...

Today was the day...my divorce hearing! I was so nervous I almost passed out! It did end up going well and fairly quick. I had to answer a few questions and go over the marital termination agreement with my lawyer. The judge was legit and didn't deny anything since everything was agreed upon prior to appearing before the judge.

It's sad that it ended this way, but it's better and healthier for all persons involved!

It's been a long road to get to this point, but now that it's here, it's a relief that it's over. One less thing to stress about.

My amazing mother came for emotional support! I'm truly blessed to have had such a strong support system from family and friends. Thanks all! :)

My little reader...

So last night this beauty read me the entire book, "Ten apples Up On Top." I am so stinkin proud of her and her progress at reading. I'm lucky that she loves school and loves to learn! This girl is a rock star! Love her!

26 weeks prego!

My little sausage link is growing beautifully at 26 weeks! I have such a love for him already that I can't even explain in words! I get such a joy from his movement in my belly! Its a sign that all is going well! I am pretty sure ill be giving birth to a little ninja! :)

As scared as I am to become a single mom of two kiddos, I an so excited for this new chapter in my life! I know it will be a challenge, but to be blessed with such an amazing gift is amazing!

I'm hoping to get this little guy's nursery somewhat put together soon! Technically, I've got just about 14 weeks before he arrives! Holy moly! I feel like I've been preggo forever, but it's going to fly by I'm sure!

Oh the joys of babies! :)

Vent away...

So I need to vent... I've kind of always been too nice and forgiving at times. Its probably had a lot of impact on my stress level too. I always try to believe that people can change or make amends if they've done you wrong. I try to give the benefit of the doubt...

Is it possible that I have too much faith in seeing the good in people? For a brief moment, I thought forgiving someone who has done wrong by me so many times that it would make them realize that I am a good person. I was wrong. So wrong.

I am irritated... I want nothing more than to have honest truthful people in my life and some people will just never change.

Why should I bend over backwards to help someone out when they wouldn't do the same for me? Or they would...only if it was beneficial to them. What happened to doing things simply out of the kindness of your heart? Sheesh!

Also, I have a question... what do you consider to be nosey? Asking a general question doesn't make you nosey, right? Prying...prying makes you nosey. But instead of being bitter or angry about the way I get treated, I'll just return the favor... I may not know how to be a mean person, but I do know that I don't have to put up with disrespectful people.

Gotta put on my big girl panties and stand up for myself and my family. Call me miss moving on to a better me!

Don't be ashamed of your story...

Well where should I start?

I officially live in my own house and am fairly settled in! Its such an amazing feeling! All of the hard work done by my parents has given me a home I can't be more thankful for! :) I want to repay them in some way, ideas?

Bri survived her first week of first grade! Poor thing has to get up at 5am everyday since I have had to work and had drill. Hopefully soon we will be in a better routine! I've got to remember soon to get her signed up for dance and basket ball! She opted out of hockey this year, which made me sad but it's okay.

My stress level has been decreased tremendously! Partly to my new house and work schedule, but also to my ability to move forward with my head held high no matter what life has thrown at me. It is a beautiful feeling.

But do u know what's not a beautiful feeling? I just had a birthday, and I'm 27!!! Holy moly, I'm gettinh close to 30!

But on the bright side, at 27 I've been blessed with so much!

Ps today I'm at drill, stuck all day watching weapons cuz I'm preggo! Me and my other preggo battle have been having good conversation about life and unit drama! Typical army stuff!

But I'm done rambling! Have a good day all!