Shoutout!

Just want to send a quick shout out to my amazing mom and dad for all of their hard work on my house! They've made awesome progress! My dad out in the laminent flooring in and is pretty much done with that. Mom has been working like a maniac at painting/sanding cabinets and they are almost ready to put back in the kitchen! We've got all the bedrooms, bathroom, and living room painted too!

Jenn and Tricia came and painted and helped with a few other odds. Their help was much appreciated! Thanks again ladies!

Looks like the counter tops will be in tomorrow and mom will be starting the backsplash soon too! Once i get the floors I'm the bedrooms cleaned, we will be moving stuff in! Sooooo excited!

Thanks again to those who have helped me with my house and watching Bri while we've been working! :)

Baby2 is finally showing!

Here's baby2 finally making an appearance and growing! I'm extra sore and tired today, can barely stay awake! :( I'm working I'm the ER today and my doc for the day gave me the go ahead to nap at my desk... he'll have some explaining to do if someone catches me! ;)

Pregnancy...can be awkward!

Pregnancy causes a plethora of discomforts and awkward...side effects let's say...some I wish would just go away! I'm about 23 weeks or so and have graciously been blessed with many of the discomforts...
- breast changes
- fatigue
- nausea
- frequent urge to pee
- headaches
- bleeding/swollen gums
- constipation
- dizziness/fainting
- trouble sleeping
- heartburn
- hemorrhoids
- varicose veins
- leg cramps
- nasal congestion
- shortness of breath
- stretch marks
- swelling of feet/legs
- discharge
- backaches
- acne
- abdominal pain
...to name a few. Its funny how miserable some of these can be, yet us moms put ourselves through it to grow a beautiful little baby. The things we do for our children... even before they are born!

I'm getting more and more excited for baby2 as time goes on. He is busy wiggling and kicking inside! I can definitely feel him with my hand on my belly! Bri finally felt him too! :)

I've gotten some baby items, but sheesh...baby stuff is expensive! Even more more than when Bri was born!

Anyways, hope everyone had a great weekend! I've been working on the house, it's getting closer to being done! Pics to come soon!

Overwhelmed...

 

So first off, I would like to say how overwhelmed I am! Shiza! There is so much going on, so much that needs to get done, and so much to look forward to!

 

I know I've been whining and complaining about how hard this divorce process has been on me, and again, it's the hardest thing I have ever dealt with.

 

But I want to put out that there is so much greatness in my life that sometimes I forget. I've let the divorce/breakup consume me and it's done nothing but bring me down. And really, that is the only downfall in my life at the moment. I really do have so much to be thankful for!

 

With that, I was supposed to close on my house last week, but due to some paperwork discrepancies, I am to wait another week. So throw some good vibes my way! :) I've done quite a bit of shopping for my house! We've got paint, cabinets, and flooring to keep us busy as soon as we can get the keys! I've got color schemes chosen for all the rooms so far, just gotta get the essentials and accents to make it work! The biggest project is going to be the kitchen for sure! And thank goodness my parents are big DIYers! They were almost more bummed about the push back of closing than I was! My mom was ready to rip into the projects! I'm recruiting help of all kinds to help paint, renovate, and move Bri and I!

 

I start working dayshift this week. No more nights for me! Nights are horrendous and I hope I never have to go back to working nights! I love me some sleep!

 

Bri has been a trooper lately. I know she senses the stress level I have been under but she is just so darn amazing and helpful. I really hope that these new changes wont affect her too much. She seems pretty resilient so far, and hope to keep it that way. I forget sometimes that she is just a kid and doesn't need to know details of how mommy is feeling. I have to remember to keep my composure around her and not let her see me upset. It's definitely a challenge, but doable.

 

I figured I'd post a picture of my preggo belly! I am 21 weeks along and feeling tired as ever! I've gained about 13 lbs and the Dr. kindly reminded me to stop worrying about weight gain and gain away (within reason)! My boobs are continuing to grow! Literally feels like rocks... Hips have shifted even more too, walking long distance has become a bit more uncomfortable, but I gotta keep on going! I bought a few more maternity shirts, I needed the length! My belly isn't extremely giant but I am sure it will get there! Hoping this little boy keeps growing and gets his weight on track with where he should be. Another reason to keep my stress level low, he is small for the stage in utero, so if I keep the stress down, I hope it helps him progess better!

 

I think I've got a name picked out, too! So far, I am in love with it and am going to stick with it! I'll probably only change it if when he's born and just doesn't look the name. But I am still open to suggestions! :)

 

No other big news. Still healing and dealing, trying to stress less. Again, hoping to get into my house soon so I can decorate and renovate!

 

Hope you all had a lovely weekend! Thanks for reading my life story...

 

 

F.A.I.L.

I need to remind myself that when something I try does not work, it's not a complete failure. It is simply a first attempt in learning. Some things are meant to be and others are not. All we can do when those things are not meant to be, is to get back on the horse and keep riding on.

 

So if something fails, just learn from what happened, and try again next time.

Eye opener...

Today, I was shockingly given an eye opener. I've been dealing with my stress and grieving over my divorce the wrong way. It has dramatically effected my health and state of mind. Instead of seeking support and comfort from my loved ones, I've lashed out in anger to those around me. For that, I truly apologize. I didn't realize how much of a negative impact daily stress can have on someone when it isn't dealt with accordingly.

I guess I agreed to everything involving my breakup/divorce, and I just feel like a failure. As much as I want and need to be civil, I am really struggling. Maybe it's jealousy of the new path he has taken. Maybe the end of the relationship was inevitable and we let it drag out far too long. Maybe I am so scared of what's to come when baby2 arrives and Im a single mom with 2 kiddos. Maybe I just haven't finished my journey to where I want to be in life, especially since this is not how I pictured my life today to be. Maybe I am punishing myself for anything and everything that happened in the past. I'm letting it make me bitter not better...when it needs to be the opposite!

A lot of the emotions flare up with the fact that I'm hormonal and pregnant! Who knew it could cause such havoc on someone!

But no matter how stressed I am, I need to put on my big girl panties and get my shit together for myself and my little family! I am doing research on how to manage stress and really trying to effectively go through the stages of grieving (which I've already gone through once before). I know it will be a challenge, but I haven't made it this far for nothing!

So I'm asking my lovely family and friends to bare with my on this journey to being a better, happier, and more relaxed version of me.

I also want to apologize again to everyone I've lashed out at or been short with. Im trying my best to be a better me!

Side note: I will be a home owner on Friday!! ThAnks to my mom, dad, molly, for making it all possible!

short update...

My love and I! Here I am at 20 weeks! Just found out today that baby2 is a boy!! So excited yet nervous! Also got word that I am closing on my house this Friday! Its been tough dealing with the lender but it's all worked out and soon I will be a home owner!!

Side notes: baby2 is a little small for his stage in development. My placenta is too close to my cervix but should hopefully shift as time goes on. My weight gain is slower than normal, due to stress. Also my blood pressure is extremely low that I have to be extra observant to make sure I don't faint. Aside from those details, mom and baby2 are on the right track!

What am I going to do with a boy? I have no idea how to raise a boy! I mean I grew up with girls! Help! ;)